𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 / 𝐈𝐈𝐈.

20.

the sun in my eyes

My eyes wince shut against the bright sun, it clings to my skin as the waves scatter around me. The past week, my mind has been as catastrophic as the sea; thoughts crashing through whenever I try to find my way through the fog, knocking me off my feet. Edward has tried hard to help, though we spend little time together. Instead, I've been surrounding myself with the living, with the people I only have during such a quick moment even if there's a pit growing deeper in my stomach.

Before my father had left, I'd spent my days on the Reservation with him and the Clearwaters. Making up for the time we lost and won't gain back. We were able to have a proper goodbye, and he encouraged me to visit him if I'm ever in Southern California. But I knew when we parted ways that would be the last time I'd see him, and there was some closure with his departure.

"Hey, dazed and confused! I'm heading back in." Jay shouts at me over the rush of the sea, a look of concern painting her face as I snap out of my trance nodding. But I don't follow when she paddles back to the sand, instead I allow the current to push me back and forth as I watch the beach. My friends are crowded around a growing bonfire, someone shouts that they've brought pizza, the setting sun stings at my skin.

I soak in the warmth, wondering if when I come to in the next life if it'll ever feel like this. Enjoy the rush of air in my lungs, the exploding taste of salt water on my tongue, and the ache of my muscles that tells me I'm alive. What will it feel like have venom pulsing through my veins instead of blood? To be frozen in body, free from time?

Finally, I drag myself from the cold of the sea, paddling back in as it grows too dark for my comfort. Following the beacon of light I return to the beach, shivering as I reach the sand and lay my board down next to Jay's. I'd already promised Seth when I moved I'd leave it to him. Once I've peeled off my wetsuit and leave it to dry, I join the group in my shorts and favorite floral bikini. Squeezing into my seat next to Leah on a beach blanket, swearing as my body aches when I sink down.

"You realize your face is red, right?" Leah asks, prodding at my cheek. My skin feels torn and raw, being under the sun for so long and the spray of salt has turned me into a raisin. In my hurry to reach the sea, I'd forgotten UV protection and was paying the price.

"I'm aware," I wince at her poking, trying to swat her hand away. "I'm about to be moving to some place that has really long nights and not a lot of sun. I'm trying not to become too pasty."

"You'll end up looking like the rest of the Cullens when you come back, Heather." Jay snorts from her place next to Teresa. "Pasty, creepy, culty. But we still support you and your questionable life decisions."

"Says the girl making out in the back of her mom's mini-van with Christian Stanley." I remind her, making kissy faces to annoy her.

"That's different!"

"At least Edward Cullen has money, Jay. Christian just has a nicotine addiction." Teresa tuts as Jay continues to argue in her defense. My laughter falls away, slipping into silence as Leah gives me a worrying look.

"Hey, don't worry about it," She whispers, nudging me with an elbow before picking up her drink. The flame of the fire illuminates her face as Leah offers me a sympathetic smile. "You'll be okay."

I nod, trying to rest assure in her words. We'd spoken a lot after that night in the tent about my future with Edward. She was the only person I trusted to understand with her own complicated relationship with Sam. In my final days of mortality, I'm glad to have Leah by my side. Confiding with her in a way I can't with Jay or Teresa without putting them in danger. I can only hope that in the past months that have put distance between us, it'll soften the blow for them when I leave.

"Heather, are you crying?" Jay asks, looking over at me after her and Teresa's argument subsided.

"There's ash in my eye." I lie to her, flicking away the tears that cling to my lashes. "I'm going to get a drink, do you want anything?"

"Yeah, I'll take another Sprite." She nods, frowning as I get up quickly. Stepping through the sand I find the cooler of food and drinks that's way from the fire, watching the boys play soccer while Teresa starts gossiping with Bella and Jay again. This is what it feels like to be on the outside looking in, this would soon be my life as I join the Cullens. The body of a human, but never to be among them in peace again.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"What's going on in that loud mind of yours?" Edward asks, his hand running through my hair. He'd spent the past few nights in my bed, with Mom spending so many nights at the Swan residence we'd had quiet. Long hours to spend together that gave me a glimpse of the life we'd lead.

"I'm just still trying to figure out what I'll tell people. Why I'm not coming back for holidays or during the summer, why they'll never see pictures of me, why I just disappear." I admit to him, tugging at the strings of his hoodie that I was wearing. My skin crawled at the thought of long phone calls with my mom, lying about when I'll be home to visit and making excuses as to why she can't see me.

"Don't worry about that now. Just try to think about today, tomorrow's problems are for tomorrow." He says, pressing a kiss on the crown of my head as I watch the full moon through my window. The light spilling into the room and gleaming on my skin. "You've done more than enough for now. We've only got a month left before we leave for Alaska. There's still a lot for you to live for, enjoy this time while you have it."

I turn, burying my face closer to his chest, tucked safely away in his arms when he kisses my forehead again. His touch cooling my sunburnt skin and filling me with relief as my eyes flutter close.