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the smoke in my lungs
~includes underage smoking~

When the headlights of the gray minivan, illuminate my street, I hurry out of my room and down the stairs

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When the headlights of the gray minivan, illuminate my street, I hurry out of my room and down the stairs. The house is dark again, my mother retreated to the confines of her room not too long after I started screaming into my pillow. Reaching the door, I snatch up Mina who tries to escape around my ankles and I throw her back inside before hurrying into the warm summer night.

Jay doesn't say anything as I get into shotgun, she doesn't comment on the mascara dried to my cheeks or how hoarse my voice initially sounds when I thank her for picking me up. As she drives me through the empty town, I turn up the punk rock music she has playing until I feel like my ears are going to start bleeding. Digging my nails into the coarse fabric of the seats, I close my eyes and don't pay attention to where she's driving me.

"So, I'm guessing it must be really bad since you're willing to listen to my— as you once called it 'dumpster' music?" Jay asks when the car comes to a stop. Forcing my eyes open and blinking under the harsh light, I realize she's driven us to the county line where the only twenty-four-hour gas station sits empty and open.

"Yeah." I finally say, swallowing hard as she gets out of the car.

"Alright, come on."

She gets out of the car and I reluctantly follow her, trying to wipe the mascara stains away from my cheek as she opens the door to the convenience store and holds it open for me. My feet take slow steps behind her, I watch as Jay grabs a six-pack of energy drinks and chocolate before heading to the cash register where the lone worker groans and scans the items.

We hurry back to the car, and she cracks open one of the energy drinks, before reaching into the pocket of her flannel, revealing a half-used pack of Newport Light cigarettes, I stare at her a little wide-eyed as she grins and pulls one out.

"Since when have you smoked? Where did you get those Jay?" I ask, stupidly gawking as she digs through the central console for a cheap AC/DC memorabilia lighter. "Joanna!"

"I snagged them from Christian Stanley when he took me out." Her response just leaves me surprised, my mind whirling at the news I'd just received. I blink, shaking my head in confusion as she giggles like a preteen.

"Christian Stanley? Jessica's older brother? The hockey player?" I ask, making sure we are talking about the same guy, the guy she used to call Casanova Incarnate in ninth grade. "How did I not know about this sooner? And that doesn't answer why you want to smoke!"

"Come on, Heather. I'm about to lose you to Edward Cullen and Alaska, let's enjoy ourselves tonight. And clearly, something shitty happened, so here's a chance to take your mind off of it." She shrugs, turning on the car engine, the CD player starting up.

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