[ENG] 𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 || 𝖧𝖺𝗇 𝖩𝗂𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗀, 𝖫𝖾𝖾 𝖬𝗂𝗇𝗁𝗈

10 - 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧;

POV: Hayami

— Han, I... I like you. I didn't plan on telling you, but I can't hide it anymore. I just wanted to get it off my chest, you don't have to answer if you don't want to – I said, finally letting go of the feelings that had been haunting me for so long.

He stared at me with his mouth open and his eyes wide with surprise, probably trying to process what I had just said and trying to figure out if it was a lie or if I was being honest with him. When he realized that I was being sincere, his expression turned sad.

— Hayami, you're dating Minho, you know this is wrong, right? — he spoke in his quiet voice, not being harsh, but rather trying to be kind.

— Yes, I know, and it's been tormenting me since I started dating him. I just... I don't know, I wanted you to at least know. I want you to know that the interactions I had with you weren't to manipulate you or to make fun of you, you know? The kiss, helping you with your injuries, sitting with you in class and doing the project together... I did it all because I like you, but I never knew how to tell you, so that's why I'm telling you now that I've finally gotten the courage – I explained, feeling a lump forming in my throat with every word that came out of my lips.

— Hayami, you understand that I can't act like nothing happened, right? I need to tell Minho – Han mentioned, trying to make me understand that he only wanted the best for everyone.

— I know, I know it's the right thing, but please, don't tell him anything... I don't want to lose him, he's my best friend, I don't know what I would do without him – I tried to convince him, feeling the tears coming to my eyes just thinking about living without Minho.

— I understand that you care about him, but you should tell him the truth about this. You're hurting him by dating him when you like someone else, and he should know that. So I'm sorry, but I'm forced to tell him – Han said and then left the classroom, leaving me alone.

I went after him, trying to stop him and make him change his mind, but when I arrived he was already talking to Minho.

— Minho, I know you might not believe me because we don't get along especially well, but there's something you should know. I don't know how to say this without it hurting so I'll be blunt: Hayami just confessed to me. I'm so sorry, really. Obviously I rejected her, but I felt the need to tell you for obvious reasons – I heard Han say quite quickly.

I made eye contact with Minho, and I saw that his eyes showed uncertainty. When he looked at me and saw my look, being visibly guilty, he immediately knew that Han was telling the truth. He sighed and took a few steps towards me, staying in front of me and Han being behind him.

— Hayami, is Han telling the truth? — Minho asked me, his voice being more serious than usual. I could see that his eyes had desperation in them: hoping to be wrong, hoping that it was all a cruel joke on Han's part.

— Minho, I... — I tried to speak, but my voice was lost.

– I'm so sorry... — I finally said, my voice breaking as some tears started to fall down my cheeks.

What hurt me the most was seeing Minho's expression. His eyes lost the sparkle they always had when looking at me, and even though he wasn't smiling I could feel his expression becoming glum. It was clear that I had failed him, me, his best friend since we were four. My heart sank in such a painful way that it made me let out a little whimper, but it didn't compare to the pain it caused me to see the disappointment and betrayal in Minho's eyes.

— I guess I don't need to say that we're done, do I? — he asked in a cold voice, one he had never used on me before. That just hurt me even more.

Even while feeling like I was breaking inside, I nodded in response to his question, knowing that I couldn't do anything to change it. At that moment I asked myself: what if I had rejected him from the beginning? Would it have hurt less than this?

I didn't have time to say anything before Minho left the hall, leaving Han and me alone since the vast majority of students had gone home by this point in the afternoon. I gave him a look, letting him see how shattered I was, and he replied with an apologetic look.

— I'm sorry, but it was the right thing to do. I hope you two can solve it — Han spoke, his tone of voice being empathetic.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Since Minho broke up with me, both Han and him have distanced themselves from me. It seems they have become friends, because many times I see them together and talking, they seem quite happy.

For me, everything has gone from bad to worse. I lost my childhood best friend and technically boyfriend, and I also lost the guy I like. The worst part? That it was all my fault. If only I had been honest from the beginning, everything would be fine, or at least better than now. Yes, I have Jeongin and Hyunjin to accompany me at school, but the biggest problem is after school.

Normally, I used to spend the afternoons and evenings at Minho's house so I could avoid my mother, but that's all over now. The first three days were bearable since my father was at home, resting from his work. It was nice to be able to spend time with him, because I hadn't seen him in months.

The real hell was when my father left again for another work trip, leaving me alone with my mother and with no safe place to go to avoid her. Which means my mom has been practically torturing me every day. It was bearable at first, just some comments.

— Aren't you with your best friend? He's probably had enough of you by now. It took him too long, don't you think? — she told me the first night.

Then the comments started to be direct attacks.

— Maybe if you weren't so useless and unbearable, your friends would still be by your side. You're impossible to deal with, you know that? I don't know how your father can stand you. When you turn eighteen, you will leave this house, and I hope I will never see you again — she said another evening.

And then, the pounding started again. Simple blows to the cheek escalated to shoving me against the wall.

That's why I'm hiding in my room right now, not knowing what to do and afraid to go out to get some food. I don't know what she'll do to me if she finds me.

I finally decided to take a chance, my stomach begging for some crumb of food. I opened the door noiselessly, tiptoeing to the kitchen and managing to find a bag of cookies.

I took the bag and turned around, ready to go back to my room, but to my demise, my mother was waiting for me on the stairs with her arms crossed.

— So you finally deign to go out of your room and the first thing you do is steal food? Do you even think you deserve it? — she asked me as she approached me.

In a second, she snatched the bag from my hands and threw it at my face sharply, causing the plastic to cut a part of my cheek, blood slightly coming out of the small cut.

If that wasn't enough, she came even closer to me and threw a punch at my chest, making me fall to the ground, losing my balance. When my body hit the cold ground, she decided to kick my stomach hard, making me cough, squirm and lose oxygen for a few short seconds.

She kept punching me, kicking me and shouting insults for what felt like hours until she decided not to spend her time on me anymore, leaving me crying in pain on the floor.