Misc.

urinetown 5

harry looked up at the sky, and wondered why it didn't look blue anymore.

-

he was fifteen when he realized he liked men.

barrel didn't even know the guy's name, just that he was gay, and now they were kissing in the bathroom on the third floor of the science building. it was weirdly liberating, and for the first time in his life,  barrel felt a modicum of normalcy. maybe he wasn't broken...maybe...

the bathroom door opened and someone walked in on them. immediately, the guy barrel was with shoved him off. 

"ew, what the fuck is wrong with you?" he said. barrel frowned, taken aback by the abrupt change in tone. 

"what...?" 

he looked to the guy, then to the one who'd walked in on the whole mess. barrel didn't really know either of them, just that they were both a year ahead of him and that they threw parties barrel was never invited to. 

"dude were you making out with him?" the second guy asked the first.

"no man, he just came onto me." 

"are you gay?" the second guy inquired, looking at barrel.

barrel, face burning with shame, started for the door.

"excuse me." he said, only to be met with a hand square on his chest, pushing him back into the bathroom. it was the second guy, who locked the door at the first opportunity. suddenly, everything felt tainted, and barrel felt sick. 

"you set me up." he said to the first guy, anger burning in his stomach.

"you fell for it." the first guy replied, snorting. 

there was a hand gripping his shoulder and suddenly barrel saw stars. this wasn't happening. please god, no. 

it was the knee to the stomach that got him down on the ground. 

like a feral animal, he fought back, kicking and clawing at the two guys. he refused to be beat, he refused...and yet...

there was a sickening crack when the second boy kicked him in the ribs. 

it felt like it went on forever, like it would never stop. pain blossomed across his body like a fucked up flower garden coming to life. he missed his mom. he missed their little home. maybe it was his fault. maybe it was his fault that he was gay. maybe he was broken. 

curled up into a bloody ball, all he could taste was iron. somewhere in the distance he heard the bathroom door close, and he was finally left alone. the floor of the bathroom on the third floor of the science building was cold and barrel let his head lay against it, letting the cool tile sooth the cuts on his face. 

never again, he vowed. this would never happen again. 

-

when he was twenty it happened again.

he'd shut down that part of himself a long time ago. a scar on his eyebrow served as a constant reminder never to engage with it, not that it mattered anyways. he had a girl now, like normal people did. 

barrel met senator fipp when he graduated from the police academy into further training to become a UGC executive. 

senator fipp was like a shining star in the eyes of the legislature. witty and convincing, but humbled by a bumbling disposition. barrel found his presence enamoring, entranced by the ability of a man to be so powerful, yet so deceptively charming. 

the young man found himself in the senators office a handful of times, usually to drop off "research" files, and folders filled with information he wasn't allowed to look at. every time, fipp would offer him coffee, and barrel, tired from running around town all day, would accept. the senator had a tendency to sit very close to him, sitting on the edge of his desk in front of barrel's chair, looking down at the younger man.