Nocturne Valley Library

7: Grief

I wake up, feeling light paws padding up my arm. Nermov purrs, lowering herself into a kitty loaf on my hip. She nuzzles my arm, and I sigh, not looking at her, but then, I am not looking at much of anything.

I live in the apartments above the library, and I have not left them since....

Tears spring to my eyes.

I've done some research. Apparently, if you lose your soul mate, you can... you can break. And I think  that's what is happening to me now. Aerik is dead. Fade is dead. And the Spidermaiden fled into the night, not to be seen again.

Unable to face Farley, I haven't really left my apartment. I know I should've talked to her, but I blame myself. For Fade. And for .... Aerik.

Lucy has been taking care of me, and Lydia, Valentine's daughter, as well as Karlyk and a girl named Danika, have taken care of the library. I dont know if any of the prisoners are back in their books, but I honestly can't care about that right now.

Aerik and Fade are dead.

And it's.... it's all my fault.

I'm pretty sure it's been six months since then. I have not been able to talk since then, either. I couldn't even talk to Lucy after the fact. I haven't spoken to anyone since that awful night. But now, I pick up Nermov, and set her down on my bed, and sit up.

She chuffs, and I look down at her, watching as she rubs her head against my arm. She purrs loudly, then looks up at me, her yellow eyes gleaming with understanding. I pat her on the head, and then I get up, pad to the bathroom, and take a shower.

Once I'm done, I change into a new outfit. A pair of jeggings, with a hot pink t-shirt, pastel purple sneakers, and I tie up my now long, auburn hair. I'm paler than normal, and my blue eyes are dull instead of vibrant. I sigh, and head downstairs.

The library is quiet, and as I walk into the middle part of the library, Nermov behind me, I see Lydia sitting beside Lucy, talking in a hushed tone. They haven't noticed me yet. So, I duck behind some stacks of books, and listen.  Probably a shitty thing to do, but whatever.

I listen to them, watching Nermov pad around the room.

"She's broken," says Lucy.  "She lost her mate."

"Yeah, I know. But, Luce, that was over six and a half months ago," says Lydia.

Lucy sighs. "I know, but grief is different for everyone."

"Yeah, but she's just wallowing in her depression. If she could come down, she'd probably feel better."

"She thinks she doesn't deserve to feel better, Lydia."

My heart wrenches in my chest. She's right. I don't deserve happiness. This darkness, it's all that I can feel. Because ever since that night, I haven't been able to access my magic. Just able to cry, and cry. Feel my heart breaking into a million infinitesimal shards.

"What if .... we could get her a chance to talk to him once more?? Through the Veil in the Underworld, I mean."

My heart skips. Is that ... possible? Could I talk to Aerik one last time?

I sink to the floor and curl my legs up, pressing them to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. Tears fall down my face, and I can't breathe. Aerik is dead. Because of me... because I wasn't able to save him. I wasn't strong enough to do so.

I'm a failure. And it's all my fault that this happened.