All the lies between us (Mattheo Riddle x Draco Malfoy)

chapter three

"And with Potter?" he asked, a little disgusted this time.

I had to grin a little, it's amusing how he can still be so jealous of me even though he's been acting like a complete asshole. He has absolutely no right to be jealous, it's over with us and it's been over for a long time, if he thinks that could change he's more than wrong. Actually, I would love to just answer him 'yes', but I didn't dare do it, which is why all I got out of it was a shake. Afterwards, I said a silent 'no' what certainly made him pleased. I didn't even try to get up anymore, I just stayed sitting and waited for him to walk out before me. Of course he didn't do that; he probably had too high hopes. So we sat there, quietly next to each other just like before. Whenever we had an argument, we met here and sat quietly next to each other for a while to just calm down, when he finally broke the silence and was able to apologize. This was a method I would do again and again, because I loved being with him even when we didn't talk, I enjoyed just being with him. Breaking the silence had never been my thing, after all I've never done anything wrong so it was practically his thing to do it. I smiled a little, I always did that when I remembered our old days, not because I still love him but because sometimes it was a really nice time. Right, sometimes. The key word.

"Can we please talk. But really talk. Please, that's the only thing I want."

I was surprised again by his request, he sounded more serious than ever, suddenly so grown up. I looked at him again for a long time, really looked at him. It was practically as if I was identifying his entire face, like I was finding something about him from before, but somehow nothing came to mind. He became more grown up, at least that's what he looked like now, his face looked sadder, his eyes no longer sparkled, it was as if he had lost all the joy he had. But his eyes were still as if you were in love, even without their spark. The most beautiful blue I have ever seen, I always wished our children would have the color of his eyes and my hair. His hair still snow white, I remembered how good it always smelled and how I loved it when he layd on my chest and I was allowed to scratch his head. Then there were his lips, the softest I've ever had the pleasure of touching. I remembered how he always kissed me, anywhere he wanted, I never had anything against it, I mean no one would have anything against it if the person you love kisses you everywhere. I smiled briefly and nodded. I was already too deeply immersed in my thoughts. It was never good When these thoughts were about Draco, sometimes I could only think about him for hours. When he started smiling he even resembled the sweet Draco from before, the Draco who loved me more than anything, the Draco who treated me like a princess, the Draco to whom his girlfriend meant everything. God, why did he become like that? I wish so much he would be normal, be his old self again. I would do anything for that. I looked into his eyes again, I saw my future in them, as before, our life together. It hurts me a little to know that it will never happen, but I can do it. I've always managed it.

"I've wanted to do this for a while, but you ignored my owls during the holidays so I'm doing it now."

What? He sent me owls during the holidays? He can't be serious, I would definitely have received it, my parents gave me owl mail every morning. Oh damn, no that can't be right. It can't be that they didn't give me Draco's mail. Damn, they're really obsessed with the past. I could just freak out, I'd like to send them a howler.

"I'm sorry for what happened in our relationship before. I had a hard time, of course that's not an excuse because I really behaved like a son of a bitch, but I want you to know that I regret everything . I regret breaking your heart, I regret keeping you a secret, I regret not fighting for you."

The last sentence hit me like never before and I don't even know why. He doesn't regret fighting for me? He apologizes for everything? He's never done that since our relationship, I've never heard anything from him, let alone an apology. I was touched and surprised at the same time, but all I could do was smile. I don't know why, but he somehow made me smile. He also asked me with a smile what was wrong, but instead of answering him I started laughing. He then did the same. We laughed, just like we always did before, because I could never stay serious. It feels good to laugh with him because his laughter calms me down. To be honest, I feel better after he apologized. Even if it sounds stupid, the apology sounded genuine, if I didn't laugh like I always do, he would definitely continue to be so serious and keep saying something. I looked at him, straight into his eyes and he did the same.

"You kind of got even more attractive over the holidays, didn't you?"

I had to suppress my smile as I played with his hair a little, I just knew that he looked at me the whole time. To be honest I could just go to sleep here, while he's holding my hand obviously. We did that a lot of times and it was one of the best times in my life. Or the black sea, this was also a good spot to be. I always saw so many Thestrales and it made me happier in a way, I just don't exactly know why. But I would say that it's because of the comfort you feel after you saw the worst thing happen. You can also say that many feel pleased to see them, because not everyone can see them. For me it's the first thing, after I saw the death of my grandma I was so depressive. After I came to Hogwarts and saw the Thestrales for the first time I really felt relief and comfort at the same time. It was such a beautiful experience after something so dramatic happened. My Mother doesn't believe that they're actually existing, but she's more than wrong for that.

"Everything's cool?" he asked kinda unsure.

I smiled at him and nod, the apology was way better than I thought. Maybe he really grew older and finally understands that he was a real son of a bitch, just like he said. His words, not mine. I laied my head down on his shoulder and we started to talk about everything, it felt so good and especially familiar. I thought about the future we could have if he didn't turn into a complete dumb. What would have been if our relationship was public. What would have been if I told my parents about it or he told his. What would have been is such a beautiful question, because you'll never know the answer yet you can be as delusional as you want to be.