Dark Tidings

Chapter 26 - The Ritz Cracker

"Hey mate, does this road take us to Tunbridge Wells?"

"Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself," said Madrick. It seemed this modern world was no different to his own because 'direction requests' still came when you hadn't a clue where you were. As usual, the asker was already tense and exasperated so the conversation was short and not so sweet. To make matters worse, Madrick was running his hands over the side of the beast to see what it felt like. It was cool and smooth, like a snake.

"Get your hands off the car, weirdo." A torrent of abuse followed before the car sped off. It was nice to hear that some of the most offensive swear words from his time had survived and were alive and doing very well.

"Tunbridge Wells?" Madrick said to Tung. "Could it possibly be named after your bridge?"

"Yeah. My work has lasted a thousand years, that's how good I am."

A few miles on, a small town came into view.

"Look," said Madrick, as they entered the outskirts, "it looks like an enormous, indoor street market."

"What does the sign say?"

"SUPERMARKET."

"Great, I'm starving."

"Let me do the talking," said Madrick. "I'll pretend we're from a land far away and say we're unfamiliar with the customs here. You say nothing."

"We need one of those," said Tung pointing at the large baskets on wheels which everyone was pushing around.

"Yes, we should imitate and blend." Rattle-Rattle-Rattle. "How the hell do you get it off? It's chained to all the others."

"Allow me," said Tung, pulling out the short metal bar he'd used to jemmy the locks of the little huts they'd raided. A flick of the wrist and the chain snapped off. "Never throw away a good tool."

The hut-raiding had been a journey of wondrous discovery however this place was a million times more exciting. Every shelf was stacked with foodstuffs beyond their wildest dreams and Tung was sampling as many as he could.

"Stop it," said Madrick. "We need to blend, remember? Put what you want in the basket, no one else is tasting as they go."

"Wow, wow, wow" said Tung as they passed the fruits, and the vegetables, and the cheeses, and the meat, and the fish. And when they got to the cakes, he couldn't stop himself sampling again.

They gathered food provisions and a trolley full of useful items such as backpacks, warm coats, a torch and a couple of sharp knives to replace the ones they'd left behind when they fled the huts. And, despite Madrick's protests, Tung had insisted on adding a couple of bottles of wine to the load.

"I love, love, love this place. Can we stay nearby and keep coming back?"

"No. Thamesius is our destination. I'm sure there'll be more places like this on the way."

They queued behind other shoppers who seemed to be waiting to pay for their goods. When their turn came, everything was passed over a glass window which beeped as each item flashed by.

"Eighty-two pounds fifty, please," said the 'shopkeeper'.

"Take what you need," said Madrick, handing over all their modern coins.

"Eighty-two pounds, not eighty-two pence."

"That's all we have."

The 'shopkeeper' wasn't smiling anymore as he hit a big red button.

BRINGGG-BRINGGG. BRINGGG-BRINGGG.

Before they had a chance to run for it, two uniformed men had hauled them off to the manager's office.