Midnight Serenade

Chapter 5

I was gratified to learn that I didn't have to try to find Sawyer again. It seemed like every time I closed my eyes in the following days, I saw his face.

To be fair, I was obsessing over him a good deal, but still, my dreams of him didn't feel like dreams. At least he didn't feel like a typical dream person. The whole disjointed, random assortment of moments still felt very dreamlike, as did my apparent lack of inhibitions, but he was starting to feel very real. I even felt like I was supposed to find him. Which was ridiculous, of course, since I would have no idea how to do that, even if he actually did exist. But ever since that first dream, I'd had this urge to get in the car and just drive. And it grew stronger every day.

I wanted to talk to my mom about it, but if she didn't just assume I was crazy, she would never understand how I felt. How could she? I couldn't even explain it to myself in a way that made sense. Or in a way that made me seem sane. I was obsessed with an imaginary person from my dreams, I felt far more comfortable with him than I did with anyone in reality, and I had to constantly stop myself from taking my mom's car keys and scouring the country for him.

It sounded nuts.

"Anything wrong, Sweetie?"

I blinked to clear my thoughts and realized that Mom was watching me from the doorway of the living room. I was on the couch and had been attempting to watch television.

"No, why?" I said automatically.

She smirked. "Well, you've been staring at the floor like the meaning of life is written in code down there, so I figured you must have something on your mind."

So maybe I was starting to act insane too.

"It's nothing." I smiled a little. "Just thinking."

I could tell she didn't quite believe me, but she wasn't going to push.

"I'm about to make lunch. You hungry?"

I nodded and stood. "Yeah. I'll help."

As we began gathering ingredients and utensils, my mind wandered back to Sawyer and our meetings. That first dream hadn't repeated. Instead, it was like a slideshow of different moments. Mostly totally normal things. Sometimes we'd be cuddling together while watching a movie or a sunset, or we'd be walking hand in hand down a picturesque road. Sometimes there were moments similar to that first incredible encounter. And sometimes it was more strange. Things like running through the forest at night or having a conversation I couldn't fully understand in a language I didn't know.

As much as I wanted to keep having the Sawyer dreams, the whole thing was just so weird. Like I hit my head and knocked something off center.

"You wanna give me a hand here?" Mom asked with another smirk.

Realizing I'd zoned out again rather than helping with the food prep, I gave myself a little shake and decided to make a real effort to push those consuming thoughts from my mind.

"Sorry," I muttered as I moved to start chopping the vegetables.

Mom seemed amused but didn't comment.

We worked in silence for a few moments and despite my decision, I wasn't able to get Sawyer out of my head completely. It was like he'd taken up residence in there. Which probably wasn't a good sign.

"Do you know anyone named Sawyer?" I asked after a few minutes.

Mom paused in thought before she said, "I don't think so." She met my eyes. "Why?" 

I shrugged. "I just thought I remembered that one of your mom friends had a kid named that... or something like it." Some of her activities involved a lot of other moms around town, so it was possible.

She pursed her lips, thinking it over again before she shook her head. "No, I'm pretty sure I don't know of anyone with that name."

"Okay." I shrugged, aiming to appear casual.

Mom watched me for a minute and I pretended to ignore her.

"What brought that up?" she finally asked.

I looked at her blankly, having no idea what to say. That had been a really random thing to ask her.

I shrugged again. "Just random thoughts, I guess."

Curiously, she watched me for a moment. When I gave no further information, she sighed and shook her head. Thankfully it seemed that she might just brush it off as weird teenager stuff.

And maybe, in a way, it was. Maybe I was just lonely for someone my own age that I felt comfortable with. And after all, if we're talking about wish fulfillment, why shouldn't that person take the form of an incredibly gorgeous guy?

So really, it kind of made sense. I was just pathetic and lonely. Not crazy.

Honestly, I wasn't sure that option was a whole lot better.