My Soulmates are IDOLS Books 2+3 | 18+ [SoulBond Series]

320: Chapter 13

She silenced those thoughts.

The holiday was just a time of relaxation so that she could gather her thoughts, soothe the emotions that fucked her up inside and out, and then reconsider her attitude towards motherhood.

Because she should be grateful for the chance to be a mother at her age. It was an age where she could survive on an hour of sleep and not worry about cracking bones and painful joints. That was a boon.

Who could expect couples to return to the same relationship dynamics after having a baby?

It just wasn't the same anymore, especially with a relationship like hers so oddly triangulated, the love signals pointing left and right, spinning like a broken compass. Fuck buddies in one set, romantic tension in another. She was pretty sure sometimes Sieon and Hikaru hated each others guts.

Without the screaming in her head, and the vomit in her hair, Amber had concluded—quite solemnly in the bathroom—that this entire situation was most likely just a part of growing up. She had to pull up her big girl panties and become a better, stronger mother.

That was that.

Amber was pretty damn sure that her life would go back to being the way it was with diapers and crying, and plenty of lonely nights in the apartment. Except perhaps they would now consider her feelings a little more and might (kindly of course) appreciate her existence as the primary caregiver of their child.

They would do more than appreciate her, Casper had assured.

They would ensure that the fridge was well packed with microwavable lunches and dinners, homemade frozen foods. No more eggs. No more hot boiled water for breakfast, burning water that could momentarily calm her gurgling stomach. She'd pinked at his words, looked down at her feet, squeezing her toes.

She'd admitted the truth to him, laid it out plain and simple.

She told him upfront, honest and truthful that it was just eggs some days and nothing on others. It was said begrudgingly of course with a whispered 'please don't tell the rest because they'll get mad'. And her in-laws would be furious for attempting to feed her baby lousy breast milk. Her mother would whip her ass for neglecting nutrition.

Everyone would be mad.

They won't get mad, he'd promised, brows pinched, and lips turned. They'll just make more food for you.

Of course that was what he'd think. But in her head, she could see the disappointment in their eyes, the hard disapproving stare. The way they looked at her as if she didn't know better just because she was younger and smaller.

It could just be all in her head. She'd expected Casper to react a little more explosively perhaps an outcry, but he'd embraced her instead, pulling her into his arms. Then he'd promised to give her the world and fill her up with food.

God, didn't he understand that it wasn't food she needed but time?

She was starving for time.

She huffed, exhaled through a pinched nose. Fuck, he was right. They wouldn't get mad. They would apologise. She will accept their apology. Then after another day or two of grovelling, they would part ways after figuring out a better solution with the baby.

They would return to the stage, and she would go back into that horrible space.

She had a couple of suggestions for improvements. Amber had spent most of her time in the toilet thinking about them, circling them out on a notepad when Casper wasn't looking. Just the lines and the circles, not the words.

Never the words. Words made her plans real, words stamped her thoughts into reality.

She would get a house near her parent's in a district closer to her friends. It would mean less visits from her soulmates because it would be harder with the tour. Her boys wouldn't get to see her and the baby as much but that would mean they wouldn't have to deal with the chaos. They would find her only when they were happier, and she would see them only when she was ready.