𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 ˢᵏᶻ

.𖥔 ݁ ˖๋ ࣭ ⭑ sorry i love you

to hyunjin,

i should hate you.

for as long as i can remember, the two of us had been competing for the top spot in our school. i slaved away at my desk for hours on end doing everything i could to keep my title as #1, yet you waltzed in and stole it from me like you had nothing better to do.

when i saw your name replace mine on the school's board, i took it as a challenge to take you down. you want to mess with me, fine. i'll show you who you're dealing with.

but the more i learned about you, the unhappier i got.

firstly, you were kind to those around you. i saw you helping a student with her maths assignment worth 20% of our final grade - which was absurd. why would you do that? when you come across competition, you're supposed to eliminate not assist them. although you couldn't even decipher the basics of surviving as an elite student, it still infuriated me that somehow you were superior.

second of all, you seemed popular. people flocked to you and gawked like you were some sort of greek god. there was a certain charisma and charm in the way you carried yourself - which i obviously never understood. your smile was flawless and your laugh was perfectly curated to melt the hearts of others - maybe you were not so terrible after all.

lastly, you were dependable. i always thought that was very clever of you; using people and getting them to trust you, then screwing them over at the last second - but no. you constantly delivered on your part, doing whatever others required you to do.

you appear to be a better person than i am. perhaps i have been going about this all wrong.

people don't usually take to me, and i am so afraid of getting hurt that i end up hurting them first. it's a weird form of protection in a way, i guess.

you cared, hyunjin. and you made me care. being around you made me feel like my whole life, i'd been missing something.

now that i have tasted what it's like to be free from the shackles of expectation, i crave more.

i crave you.

i'm sorry, but i love you.

i despise the feeling, but what can i do?

don't pretend like you don't feel the same way either. i've seen your eyes and the way you look at me - you can't fake that.

so what will your answer be? i'll wait.

regards,

✰