deciphered

enigma's secret V

"You're too fucking soft," Kenji scolded, hitting the  table with his fists as he circled around the room. "I don't think  you're actually cut out to be an agent."

"I am though," Suna  retorted under his breath in a sharp tone, looking down at his  reflection within the glossy black table. He frowned at himself, knowing  deep down the words he spoke were in desperation to save his fragile  ego.

"You better toughen up then," Kenji snapped, crossing his  arms over his chest. "This is the real world. You can't pretend to live  comfortably anymore like you did back in Nagoya—you joined the PSIA, you  actually have to work to fulfill a purpose."

"I understand," Suna  mumbled through his closed teeth, gripping his hands while digging his  fingernails into the sides of his palms.

"That's it? You really don't get it, do you?"

Kenji  closed his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, pinching the bridge of his  nose. A period of silence followed before he scoffed at Suna's response,  shaking his head slowly.

"We're half a year behind on the plan  because you're slacking on your part. There's never anything new you  bring to the table, you have the same old excuse: 'I'll get it next  time'. When will 'next time' actually happen? You can't just say these  things and never follow through on your word."

Suna didn't dare to  look his father in the eyes. He kept his head low and his mouth shut  while enduring the scold, staring down at his reflection in the table as  it grew more distorted by the seconds.

"Do you want to be like your mom, stuck in Nagoya, being completely worthless, doing nothing with her life?"

"Don't  fucking talk about my mom that way!" Suna immediately jolted up in his  seat, growling his threat in a deep and dark guttural tone. "She raised  me when you couldn't, so you don't get to have a say in what she does,  you fucking coward!"

It was hard for Suna to keep his tears in,  letting them spill from the corner of his eyes down his cheeks. Quiet  thuds of the tear droplets scattered the table beneath him as he gripped  the upper strap belt of Kenji's bulletproof vest, bringing his face  close to his.

There was a tremble in his hold, feeling the  adrenaline skitter through his spine. Suna kept his face still while he  glared right at his father in the eyes who didn't understand the  severity of his words. Kenji did not know he struck such a large and  painful vein within his eldest son.

"I didn't join the PSIA to  fulfill some stupid purpose," Suna whispered through his teeth, still  gripping the strap to Kenji's vest. "I joined because of you."

The  pain he carried made its way over to Kenji, bearing the weight of the  truth he spoke. Suna's eyes were filled with tears while Kenji remained  expressionless, unable to speak or respond to his own son. He continued  to stare into his father's eyes, seeing the characteristics he passed  down to him up close for the first time—but these heritable traits meant  nothing to Suna. They were just a reminder that there was no true bond  in blood without first establishing a genuine connection, something  Kenji was never able to do with any of his children.

"I joined  because I was finally able to get to know my father because I never  could while growing up. I wanted to spend time with you and bond with  you, because I never really could while growing up. I wanted to be able  to actually love my father, and say that I'm proud to be your son...  because I never could while growing up."

Kenji never realized how  strong his prolonged absence affected his eldest son's life. With Suna's  sister, his absence didn't affect her negatively as she was too young  to form the initial critical bond between parent and child—but  unfortunately for Suna, Kenji left at the most critical point in his  childhood that it completely altered his emotional attachment.