deciphered

enigma's secret III

"I'm actually looking for my dad, Kenji Yamasaki," Suna replied while taking out his phone, looking at the address from his father's file. "It said he lives here at this address."

"Hmm, that name doesn't sound familiar..." the woman pondered, placing her free hand on her chin. "No one named Yamasaki lives here."

Suna's heart felt like it sank into his stomach, causing him to suddenly forget how to breathe. Sweat quickly accumulated on his forehead under the pressure of the woman's blank stare before he gulped down the nervousness he felt, hesitating to respond. "Well, I was told he lived here at this address, so I'm not sure."

"Maybe he was a previous tenant?" The woman looked up at the ceiling and furrowed her eyebrows while readjusting the small boy attached to her hip, sheepishly smiling back at Suna. "My husband and I just bought this house from a realtor not too long ago, so perhaps your dad forgot to give you his updated address?"

Suddenly, a deep male voice interrupted from a distance behind the woman with heavy footsteps approaching the front door. "Who's out here, honey?"

A male figure appeared behind the woman, resting his hand on her shoulder. As Suna lifted his gaze to meet the man's eyes, an overwhelming sensation of dread gripped him, almost nauseating at the initial sight. For the first time in over a decade, he stood in front of the man who was no other than his father.

He looked the same as what Suna remembered all those years ago—trimmed facial hair, a shaggy haircut, the same thin light green eyes. It's almost as if he didn't age a decade at all. Compared to Suna, his father looked frozen in time, emulating the same quirky businessman he knew back as a child. His father locked eyes with him, knowing exactly who Suna was at first glance as well.

The woman's demeanor changed entirely once his father entered the conversation. Her body language became more relaxed, along with her face forming a content smile. She greeted him quietly and gave him a kiss on the cheek before turning to face Suna, addressing the concerns with his visit. "Oh, just this young man looking for his dad. Do you know of a guy named Kenji Yamasaki?"

Suna's father did not break eye contact with him, slightly furrowing his eyebrows. With no hesitation to deny his real identity, Kenji gulped and shook his head. "No, I don't. Doesn't sound familiar."

The woman, whom Suna assumed was his father's new wife, noticed the intense gaze between the both of them. The tension was noticeable enough for her to interject; looking behind her shoulder at her husband and then back at Suna with an inquisitive expression. "Do you two know each other?"

"No, we don't." Suna instantly responded, understanding the implications of his father's new social identity under the guise of an operation where he'll inevitably ruin another family yet again.

He stared at the small boy sucking his thumb in his mouth, knowing the same fate will happen to him sooner or later. The thought of having the kid experience the same abandonment and heartbreak as he did made Suna tighten the grip on his hands, wincing at the pain of his fingernails digging deep into his palms. While staring straight into the eyes of the child's innocence, he saw nothing but a younger version of himself, hopeless and afraid.

"I must have the wrong address, I apologize for intruding."

He immediately turned around and ran off, quickly walking away from the family home. Without looking back, he placed his hands firmly into the pockets of his jacket and walked down the street of the neighborhood, silent tears streaming down his face.

Suna sat in his hostel encompassed in complete darkness for the rest of the day. He laid on the small futon, trying to make sense of the emotions he was experiencing. Throughout his childhood, he didn't understand what emotional regulation was, and because he was left to be the "man of the house" after his father left, he didn't allow himself to show any vulnerability. A lot of his emotions became buried and bottled up, never knowing when it would explode and spill over.