Unwanted Love

The Confrontation

"Sarah", he says, stopping at our table.

"What are you doing here?" That's the first thing I can think of asking him.

"You've been ignoring me all week...I sent you almost 20 text messages, called you God-knows how many times and I even went by your apartment today", he says, a hurt expression settling on his face.

"I think I'll run by the girls bathroom for a bit", says Anna, making Alec finally notice her. She hurries out of the booth, giving Alec a pat on his shoulder before disappearing in the girls restroom.

Alec glides into the booth facing me.

"What's going on Sarah? Did I do something wrong?" He asks, confusion settling on his handsome face.

"No, it's not you", I sigh, knowing this moment had to come sooner or later. "I really like you Alec, more than I've ever liked anyone in my life", I say truthfully.

"Then what's wrong? Why have you been avoiding me?", he asks, voice laced with pain as he takes my hand in his.

"It's complicated...My past is complicated", I reply, lacing my fingers through his.

"Why does your past have to affect us?"

"Because it affects me...Because I'm still haunted by it Alec", I say, shaking my head.

"Then tell me about it, maybe I can help you. I want to help you Sarah", he says, catching me by surprise, "I want to be the one who's there for you in times like these but I can't do that if you don't let me in"

"It's not that easy Alec...I'm not ready to let anyone in", I say, ignoring the knot forming in my throat.

He sighs, averting his clear blue eyes from mine. I feel tears pricking my eyes but I blink rapidly and pinch my thigh from under the table to hold them back like I always do.

"Does that mean you'll always distance yourself like this every time you feel too pressured or when something happens?" His question catches me off guard. I don't know what to say to that. I can't lie to him.

"I don't know", I simply reply, partially afraid of his reaction.

I avoid his stare, looking everywhere but at him. After what seems like an eternity, he gets up. My thoughts take a hold of me, making my heart beat turn faster at the thought that he might leave...For good.

But he surprises me by moving around to sit next to me in the booth.

"Sarah...", he says, at loss of words as he searches my hazel eyes. "I've never been the kind of guy to run after a girl...You bewitched me that first night. You were so independent and confident. You wouldn't even give me your number", he laughs as I listen tentatively to every word he says.

"If I didn't get a background check on you and find out where you worked...I think we would have never seen each other again", he continues, making me gasp.

He did a background check on me? After one night? My head is buzzing with a million questions but I keep silent, wanting him to continue, my curiosity at where this is going getting the best of me.

"I'm not used to hearing no Sarah, especially from women", he says, his eyes darkening and I raise an eyebrow at his words. "No, I'm not an angel but I can tell you this, you make me want to become one..."

"You rejected me so many times, and that made me want you even more than usual. We've been together for almost more than a month and a half and you still haven't let me near you in any sexual way", he continues, my eyes widening at his unexpected words.

"Yet, while I pursued you, I got to know you and now I don't know if I pursued you simply because I couldn't have you or because I've really fallen for you", he finishes, taking a deep breath at the end.

"So, what you're saying is you're a total player who can't handle rejection?", I ask, stupefied.

"Is that really all you understood from what I said to you?", he groans, placing a hand on his forehead.

"Yes, pretty much...", I say,shaking my head as a bitter laugh escapes my lips, "So all your attempts on all those dates was just to feed your ego and get me in your bed?" I ask, incredulously.

"No, Sarah. It's not like that...Not anymore", he sighs. "I've fallen for you...Can't you see that?" His tone is desperate, begging me to believe his words.

"Don't...", is all I'm capable of saying, the knot in my throat getting bigger by the second. I close my eyes, in an attempt to wish that he won't say the words I know that will come next.

"I love you Sarah..." He says as my face falls. I close my eyes, wishing for him to take back those words.

"I can't, I'm sorry Alec", I say, hastily getting up and making him get out of booth quickly.

"What...I thought you felt the same about me", I can see the disappointment and hurt that registers on his face.

"It's hardly been two months, this is too soon", I reply shaking my head, "I'm not good with feelings Alec, especially mine. I have a fucked up past and I have so many baggage to carry...You don't know the first thing about my past and how haunted I am by it yet you say you love me. How can you love someone you don't truly know? How can you?" I end up raising my voice way higher than I intended to.

Everyone in the diner is now looking at us and I feel my cheeks heat, the stress causing me to run outside.I walk across the street fast, trying to get some space between me and the crowd on the sidewalk. A moment later, Alec Is beside me.

"You can never drink your coffee in the morning without brushing your teeth. You're always very punctual and you can't stand people who are always late. You love surprises. You adore reading more than anything in the world and your favorite author is Thomas Hardy. You can't help but compare people to characters you read in books. Your biggest dream is to open up a summer camp for autistic children where they can roam free without being scared of meeting strangers."

"Your favorite color is gold and you know a lot about stars and constellations. You adore helping people even though I know you can barely help yourself. You have never broken a promise and I doubt you intend to", he closes the space between us in a matter of seconds. I don't move, too taken aback with his words.

"And you are the most beautiful, driven, good-hearted, passionate, intelligent girl I have ever met. And I'm not planning on letting you go anytime soon", he finishes, taking my hand in his.