Ocean Of Need

29 🖤🗡️ Flight

Are you talking about me? What the fuck is going on?

You tap into your phone and my fucking phone goes off. Shit. I try and switch it off but I'm not quick enough and I drop it. It skids under the car, still ringing.

I drop to my knees, trying to grab it from under the car, but I can't reach it. I lay on my front, trying to stretch under the car for it, praying for it to turn off, or run out of battery. By the time I've managed to grab it I see your feet on the other side of the car, walking around it, towards me.

I don't know whether to run to you, or from you, so I do the only thing I know, I run in the other direction.

I run as fast as I can, heading for the trees at the edge of the car park, but you're on me before I can make it six car lengths. I end up with your chest to my back, and your arms wrapped around me, pinning my arms to my body.

"Get off!" I scream.

"Lilah, what the fuck? It's me Mac."

"Leave me alone," I yell, and your hand covers my mouth.

"Stop screaming, it's me, Mac."

I carry on screaming, under your hand, until I run out of energy and you say, "Enough, Lilah. Jesus."

You take your hand away, and I say, "What are you doing here? Why were you with that guy from Jamie's Bar? You followed me. Why?"

"He called me. Told me he'd seen you with Roxy, and that you were heading here."

"Why? Why would he call you?"

"Because he knows Roxy is trouble. And he knows you belong to me."

"What the fuck Mac? I don't belong to anyone."

Your hands wrap tighter around my body, as you growl, "You belong to me. How many times do we have to argue this point, Lilah? Do I need to put you over my knee to drive the fucking point home?"

"I don't belong to you. I don't know you, and right now I trust you as far as I can throw you. Get the fuck away from me Mac."

It's as if those words puncture the air out of your lungs. I feel your body go slack and I use the opportunity to push away from you.

I spin around to face you, and shout, "Tell me the truth. Why are you here?"

You stand panting. The rain in your eyes looks like tears, as you say, "You do know me. You know me more than anyone else on the planet. How can you say that?"

The hurt in your voice, and on your face has me moving towards you, desperate to take away your pain, as I say gently, "I don't. I don't know anything about you. I don't know where you go when you're not with me, I don't know who you're with. I don't know if you think about me when you're gone. And most of all,
I don't know what you're doing here right now."

"But I told you – when I'm not with you it's just because I'm at work. And it's just so busy. "

A fire lights inside me, furious and unwieldy. The thought of all the times you've been away too long, with no word. All the hours I've spent missing you, wondering if you'll come back and if I'll see you again. All the feelings of abandonment hit me in one massive blow and I scream, "Too busy to make a call? Are you kidding me? What kind of job do you do if you can't take a minute to fucking call me?"

Your head drops and you run your hand over your scalp. When you look up again, the hurt in your eyes has been replaced by something hard, shuttered, immovable.

"I told you Lilah it's complicated."

"Yeah, complicated, I get it," I say, turning away. I start to walk back towards the front of the club. If I stand at the front door, I can call a cab, it'll be too public a place for anyone to try and take me. I can call Roxy to, let her know I've gone back to Freya's place .

I don't get five steps before your hand is wrapped around my bicep.

"Lilah? "

"What?" I spin around. "What is it now, Mac? What the fuck do you want? You want to play with me then disappear again? Is this all just some game to you? Because for me it's not a game. Not anymore. I'm fucking in love with you. Do you know how that feels? It's fucking awful. I've never felt anything like this before and I fucking hate loving you." I'm screaming again, crying now too, as the fucking rain lashes down, making a cliché of me.

Your arms are around me, pulling me into your chest as you say, "I love you too. You know I do. You have to trust me on that. There are things I can't tell you. But you have to believe me when I tell you that I have your best interest at heart. I'm trying to protect you, Lilah, and the less you know, the safer you are. I know it's not what you want to hear, but this is me, Mac, and I'm asking you, Lilah, to please just trust me. Can you do that?"

And I know, I just know in my bones that you're telling me the truth and suddenly this murky grey veil lifts, and I realize you're one of my kind. A criminal. Like me. Yes, you may be an artist too. You certainly have the talent for it, but when it comes down to it, you are a criminal first. Just like me.

"You're from my world, "I say, looking up at you as the realization of what that means knocks at my consciousness. "Aren't you? You're from the underworld."

There's a tiny nod of your head, almost imperceptible, but I see it and I know. I'm not the only one playing the game of double bluff. You are too. And though I don't know what your game is, or who you're working for, I know I have two choices, walk away and lose you, or stay and trust you.

What? What do I do? Are we on opposite sides? If it came right down to the wire, where would your loyalty fall? With me? Or against me? But even knowing you could be on the side of my rivals, I know there's not really a choice – not with you. With you there is only one path. So I say, "I trust you. "

You hold me tight as I strangle the sob threatening to escape from my ribs, and then I hear you say, "Come on, let's go home. I need you, Miss Lilah. "