Promise U

Chapter 3 : Control

(Yongsun's POV)

I rush into my room and slam the door behind me. I fall onto my bed and immediately sob.

"Yongsun! Yongsun!" My father shouts from the floor below. He furiously follows behind me up the stairs and bust the door down to my room.

"Go away!" I shout at him.

"Yongsun, what is the matter!"

"Are you kidding me father? You announce that I'm being forced into marriage in front of the entire country without me being aware and you ask me why I'm angry?! I'm 28 years old and you still treat me as if I'm nothing but property to you!" I scream in his face.

Without missing a beat, he responds, "Yongsun we have given you everything you could've ever wanted. A life of lavish experiences and materials because I work hard for and your mother! And this will just make it grow bigger. This is an extraordinary  opportunity for the Kim and Nam family that Nam Joon and I have been discussing for months!"

"You've been discussing this and haven't bothered to involve me?!" I scream.

"Yongsun you wouldn't understand this type of business. We know what's best for our companies and our children." He responds.

"I can't believe that this is happening!" I scream and continue to sob in my hands.

"Now Yongsun! I'm done discussing this! You will do as I say and this decision is final! You will marry Eric, am I clear?!" My father shouts over my crying.

I take a deep breath and raise my head out of my hands. My father scans my face, only to see my bloodshot eyes and trails of tears streaming down my face. He exhales the stress from my shoulders and storms out of my room.

I fall back onto my bed and continue to sob. How can this be? God I feel so helpless. For most of my life I've tried to push through my lack of autonomy and abided by my father's rules. But this... this is something I don't think I can push through.

-

As my father storms down the stairs, my mother tried to catch him in his tracks.

"Taehyung..." my mother starts but is cut off by my father.

"She doesn't understand the good that will come from this, and neither do you!

"She has every right to be upset! Now I think Eric will be a good man to her but you threw this on her without any warning. She's a full grown adult Tae."

My father looked at my mother with a blank expression, almost in awe that she was someone who was willing to stand up to him.

My mother is obedient. She is well aware of her place in our family and my father's business. But she has always kept my father in check when it comes to me. After all, she's the reason I'm here.

My father takes a beat, then huffs at my mother, "what I say goes!" He storms off to his office and slams the door.

My mother, on the verge of tears, heads upstairs in attempt to comfort me. I hear a faint knock on my bedroom door.

"Yong?" My mother peeps quietly.

I give her no response.

She tries knocking a few more times in hopes that I'll open the door, but to my advantage my mother is the only one who seems to respect my privacy in this household. She sighs and walks away from the closed door.

I lay on my bed, almost lifeless for the next few hours. Though dusk approached in what felt like seconds. I feel nothing. The crushing weight of despair is so heavy that I can't even feel it. I might as well be dead.

.....Dead.

"No, no..." I think to myself. I'm truly not considering this.

.....Am I?

Would I truly feel better off dead? I mean, this agonizing feeling I'm experiencing now will only get worse as I spend the rest of my life married to someone I don't even love, much less a man. I'll never be able to experience things I've always dreamed of, like getting a girlfriend, pursuing singing, hell just living as my true authentic self.

Is a life like that truly worth living...?

I guess.... not.

I sit up on my bed and take a deep breath and begin to process what exactly I'm debating.

I have no friends, no hobbies, no personality. My entire existence has been a display for what my father wants to show the world. For fuck's sake, I've never been able to made a decision for myself.

.... Except this. This is the only decision I would be able to control.

Something about that idea ignited a fire within me. Even though the consequences of this decision are, quite literally, detrimental, it didn't bother me. I was able to control a decision, one that would piss off my father quite a bit.

I've lived 28 years with this agonizing pain of feeling helpless, but with this one decision I'm finally able to have some control.

Holy shit, I'm actually going to do this.

I slowly stand up from my bed and look around my room.

Should I leave a note? Should I take anything with me? Where the hell should I go? I never enrolled in a suicide 101 class.

Think Yong, think.

Uhh.. cliche but, the Mapo bridge isn't too far from here. It would be a quick fall. I guess this is the route I'm choosing to take.

I slowly head towards my closet to grab a hoodie and some sneakers so I can be on my way.

As I open the door from my room, I run into our housekeeper, Jung Wheein.

"Oh! My apologies Miss Yong, I'm so sorry!" Wheein bows immediately.

"Oh... Wheein, it's not a problem at all." I say timidly, hoping that she doesn't look down to see me carrying my shoes. How the hell do I explain this?

"Oh, off to somewhere Miss Yong?" She asks.

Fuck.

"Uhhh," I pause, trying to think of something to say. "I uh, just wanted to get out for some fresh air."

Wheein nods. There is a silence that lingers over us for a brief moment, until Wheein cuts through.

"I heard the news Miss Yong."

Wheein's voice sounded hesitant. She's looking at me in a way as if she can see the pain in my eyes. Wheein was roughly my age, so I've always navigated our relationship as if she could have sympathy for my experiences, despite us barely speaking. I waited for her to finish her statement with any sort of congratulatory phrase, but she never did. I think she understood deep down that this is not something I celebrate.

"Thanks," I say shyly.

"Enjoy your walk Miss Yong" Wheein says. She bows to me then heads down the hall.

I head the other direction towards the front door. I place my hand on the door handle and take a deep breath. I turn around to take one last look at the empire that I'm slipping away from. I know I should be feeling a wave of sadness, a wave of fear, a wave of....a-anything. But I feel...nothing. No remorse or regret in the decisions I'm about to make. Not one ounce of guilt in what this might put my family through. I feel....nothing.

I close the door behind me, and head out into the night on my way.