Dangerous & Anew (Sequel to Inhaling Alongside You)✔️

Chapter Thirty-One: Life Without

"There's no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

-Maya Angelou (1970) I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.

Those voices-that silence did not render Doctor Angelou from telling extravagant stories. Her infamous stories told many tales, one mainly being the tale of a girl silenced, but a dream left un-defereed.

The vivid pictures of that dream played upon many canvases of best selling poems. She taught lessons of strength within tragedy. So beautiful, so respected were her words.

I've always wanted to be just like her, next to my mother of course. She is such a strong woman, flamboyant throughout her life. I always wanted to know what that felt like. To be silent, but have your words become this force to be reckoned with. To seem so weak, but be as strong as a lioness. That was Maya Angelou, and that's who I wanted to be.

My aspiration.

"And he just hung up?" Debbie asks, passing me my twentieth Kleenex.

I wipe my eyelids with the soft tissue and nod, trying to get the heart breaking memory out of my mind. I can't. I've tried sleeping it off, convincing myself that he'll call back and apologize. But alas, I have been proven wrong.

I pushed him away.

"Damn... How can he do that? I don't understand that man. I-"

"I pushed him away... Just like he pushed me. We aren't meant to be... That's it." I try to reason, cringing at my new migraine.

It's true. Michael and I weren't meant to be. As soon as things became to hectic I walked away just like the other two. I took his heart and broke it slowly, but surely. It wasn't purposeful, I just wanted time. I didn't want to be forced to make a decision. Michael knows I would've given him anything he wanted. I've given him everything I can.

I had a miscarriage. I postponed my career to carry Noah for nine months. I dealt with his stupidity with the Chandlers; twice. I even faced being humiliated on national television. I had to draw a line. As soon as I drew the line, he had a fit, claiming I'm toying with his emotions.

Trying to deal with emotional pain is not toying with someone's emotions. I was trying to make him understand what I was feeling. I was hurting. I was emotionally drained, and mentally exhausted. I admit, I gave up fighting.

But, that didn't mean that every night I didn't stay up and think about him-about is. My absence did not mean that for one second, I planned on making this a permanent decision. I stared at my engagement ring day in and day out for nearly a week, wondering if I made the right decision.

So how can he call me callous and hang up with me?

"No Jess, you found this little happiness. You chased after your dream, and you're still chasing it. Yes, leaving may not have been the right decision, but it was a smart one. I know how he feels with you constantly telling him... That you haven't come to a decision yet. I can see his agitation there. But still... I don't think he really meant what he said. He's not done with you. This isn't the end. You two just need a little break, communication and all. We'll see him in November, okay?" She softly speaks, rubbing my back.

"I guess. But I don't want him to feel that way. I know how stubborn he can be. Once his mind is set, that's it..." I sigh.

She rolls her eyes, removing her palm from her back.

"Look, I give Michael credit. He fought. He was determined, you didn't meet him half way. Why?"

"I was scared. I still am. I hate working so hard and having nothing to show for it. Michael had an amazing career, I'm only known in Paris and New York. That shit hurts! Michael-"