Dangerous & Anew (Sequel to Inhaling Alongside You)✔️

Chapter Four: To Be A Man

The past. The past supposedly means that something has already occurred, the event is done. Yet, somehow the past still hinders us. The past keeps a gravitational pull on the present, allowing doubt for the future. How does anyone live and see today if yesterday is occupying their mind?

That's the question I have finally found the answer to.

Diana Ross, Charlie Chaplin, Fred Astaire, Sam Cooke, James Brown, and many more graze these walls. Latoya, Rebbie, Janet, Jermaine, Marlon, Jackie, Tito, and Randy fill the ceiling alongside the previously mentioned stars and starlet. Each picture and or poster representing another step of my dream.

Meeting them, having them mentor me, having them support me, meant the world as I grew in this room. Each person on this wall touched me in a extravagant way. These people, and many more attributed to my success.

But sadly, the Jackson's mentioned, are not the same as they appear in these array of photos. No longer do they genuinely support me. They want what I have. The are carnivorous for my fame, and greed themselves of my fortunes. These very people I call my brothers as sisters, are no longer worthy of their blessed title.

I promised mother I would stay for two nights, just until I straighten a few things out. Jesse of course is staying as well. I was very hesitant when mother originally offered for Jesse and I to stay, especially after the exchange between us and Joseph. But of course, I couldn't reject mothers offer and decided to stay.

I wish I didn't.

Between the nasty glares of Joseph and the seething memories of growing up in Hayvenhurst, I just haven't caught a break. Maybe it's because I'm no longer comfortable here. I can't accommodate my feelings, especially the memories. There are many great memories of Hayvenhurst, but there are just as much bad memories.

Unfortunately for me, the bad is out weighing the good.

"Aren't you tired? You should get some rest baby" Jesse suggest, climbing into my king sized bed.

I glance in her direction, eyeing the bed and it's decorum. I've been away from Hayvenhurst for two years, and my bedroom hasn't changed. Not one bit. Some would say that it's more comforting this way, but not for me.

Looking to the windowsill, memories of Joseph harassing me about my severe acne swell my brain. Changing scenery, I glance towards my closet, memories of hiding myself in there because of that teasing still very imminent. I glance around the room once more, pausing each time for a foreshadow of my past.

I only come back to reality when Jesse's arms are linked around my neck, and my hands are desperately clinging to her waist. How did we end up in this position, I don't know. I do know that I'm glad Jesse is here, she makes dealing with my emotional burdens that much easier.

"Baby... You have to talk to me" She sighs into my neck, her grip tightening.

I remain silent. I'm not ready to talk. I have a gamout of reasons why I refuse to talk, but my fear of facing another disappointement is the head above all other reasons. I don't want another reiteration of my family's selfishness. I don't need another reminder.

I understand Jesse is trying to help, but even encouraging words can't fix a mirror that has been broken for many years. This just isn't her battle. I need her to understand that.

Pulling away from her, I grab my nearby jumper and quietly exit the room. Her desperate calls for me as I walk down the hall, never stops me from continuing to my quiet place. I just want to be left alone and in this quiet place, I know I can and will.

No one knows about this quiet place, because it's a place of my imagination. No one can hinder me in this place. No one can use me for their manevolant gain. It's all about Michael and his dreams.