Have hope: law&order svu

Ch. 15

Maddison's pov
Today liv wanted to take me to the precinct with her to talk to somebody about the recent trauma I went through. She was worried and concerned about me and wanted to make sure that I was okay and taking care of myself I tried to fight against it and convince her that I was handling myself just fine and didn't need a therapy session . But she could see through my mask and the walls I have guarded so high trying to keep myself together and not break down and be hurt and protect myself from that kind of pain and vulnerability again . But she was having none of my objections she said it would be good for me to talk to someone about how I'm feeling recently and she even said she would be their for support if needed and come to the session whatever helped me best with dealing with the situation . As I told her that it was fine of her to be included and listen in and support me if that's what she wanted to do . And she said she will be that support confidant and lifeline to help me heal and get through as she told me she believed in me and she reminded me that I'm a survivor and that I can make it through this too and she didn't want me to give up on myself and too keep fighting she didn't want to see me drown she wanted to see me properly recover and deal with this . As she pulled me into a hug we both needed in the moment the feeling of one's unconditional love support and comfort . Hugs are therapeutic and healing their like reminders you are loved and that your not alone and you have people who care and who will always be their to get you through the dark times so you can make it through the good times and just want to see you happy and being your best self and living your best life and I know that's what liv wanted for me . She was just that kind of person genuine kind compassionate loving and will always be supportive of whatever you do and just selfless putting others first and will do anything for you to see you happy and healthy and will fight and stand by you everyday till you get their . And heal and be that fighter and survivor that she knows is inside you .  she was truly heroic and inspirational and she will always be my superhero who saved my life and swooped in and made it better . As we finally make it to the precinct she scheduled me an appointment for later in the evening 6.00 so while I waited for my session to start I just chilled in her office listening to music drawing and coloring to pass time while she helps another victim in need until it's time for my full on therapy session where I had to express myself and to be honest I wasn't looking forward to it I didn't feel like getting personal and being open about my thoughts and going through this shit I just wanted to be done with it and stop having to go over it again and again and having this keep taking up my life I just wanted to quit it and end it and bury it into a box and locked them away hidden throw away the key so no one can ever get in and get access to that side of me again . But I knew I had to go back to that time and relive everything I been through again I didn't have a choice I had to share the details vividly and express my inner deep real personal thoughts about how I was feeling . Breaking down the walls taking off that mask and armor and any kind  of protection I build around myself from feeling any type of pain to feeling everything when I'm in that therapy room again . But I'm doing it for liv who is very important to me and I know who cares a lot about me she proved it the first time since we met and still proves she does by not giving up on me and being that support system I so desperately need to make sure I heal the right way and in the way I need . Wanted to know I matter and I'm worth something that it's okay and theirs nothing wrong with how long and whatever time I need to recover and heal is valid that how I feel matters and it's not something you shame yourself for that I'm not worthless or a burden she makes me feel that way everyday . So imma do it for her and myself so I don't end up drowning or depressed or numb at life again and I don't let it think it's the end for me and theirs no purpose to fight can't give up and let those thoughts he made me feel linger and try to win and overpower me again . I will end up succeeding and end up winning in the end I won't let them take my life away from me again I know that much so no matter how long the battle takes just know I'm ready to fight and face it I won't coward away from the feelings and end up stronger because of it . Because he can't break me I will put myself back together again and be at peace and happier because of it because I kept working on myself to get to that place by going through all the traumas and facing it and that is what's gonna make me brave and not afraid because I'm facing the fears he inflicted on me and placed deep inside of myself . And all come back swinging and on top living my best life smiling and like a champion . I got this I reinsured myself as i just let myself get lost in the music and feel as I start to draw and color on that Paige and art I was working on.