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XL

Is there still something bothering you?

What a damn good question Brett would love to know the answer to himself.
But for now, he just muttered a dumb "Uhm..." with knitted brows.
"There is, right?", Cole meant while finally putting his shirt on.
"God damn it, Cole! I don't know! Cut me some slack alright?", Brett threw his hands up in the air in frustration, got up with a shock and stomped over to the bathroom like a hungry rhino being denied its breakfast, where he just so managed to NOT slam the door for which he was very proud of himself.

Again! He was acting like a freaking child yet again! Maybe it was some sort of delayed puberty thing or something because this for sure, wasn't normal Brett Yang behaviour. He washed his face aggressively as if his sour mood was his visage's fault and threw himself under the shower, turning on cold water for good measure.

The shower did help and when Brett opened the bathroom door, his demeanor was much more timid than minutes ago, shown by how he cast down his eyes, mumbling a quiet "Sorry."
Cole was sitting on his bed, violin case beside him and one hand holding his phone. "It's fine", he said like he hadn't just witnessed Brett losing his head, "I shouldn't have pressed."
"I really don't know what's going on with me", Brett sighed honestly and let himself slump down on his bed, droplets of water falling down from his freshly washed hair.
"Look, we kinda have to go. If you want we can talk during breakfast or on the way to the con, what you reckon?"
"Sounds good", Brett agreed, got up and fished out a navy blue shirt from his suitcase, "After all, you have something to spill as well, no?"
He couldn't see it, but the way the air in the room stilled told Brett enough to picture Cole's frozen state.
"Thought you'd forgotten it during your little outburst."
"As if!", Brett huffed, a grin replacing his moody expression as he got more curious by the minute about what Cole could be hiding.

Breakfast was too loud and hasty for any conversation to arise. They even had to grab a roll or two to go because rehearsal was about to start in a few minutes and of course, there was no time for more than two questions Brett asked on their way to the con, "Does it have something to do with a certain someone from the Sydney con? Or ours?"
"Uhm...", Cole dodged around, stuffing the rest of the bread roll into his mouth.
"So it does", Brett mimicked him, making Cole snort.

Brett would have had a perfect opportunity to observe his friend closely to gain more intel when they entered the hall with almost everyone there, but his gaze was busy shooting to one particular spot immediately.
Eddy wasn't here yet, self-evidently. The taller rushed in a minute late, setting a series of heart palpitations in Brett's chest free and making him gulp down so much air he started to hiccup exactly when Eddy sat down next to him, tiny pearls of sweat making his forehead and neckline shine.

Damn that guy!

He looked at Brett with a slight frown, brushing his hair back with one hand and opening his case with the other.
"You okay? You need water?"
"Nah - hic - got some myself-", Brett pressed out, quickly taking a few sips from his bottle and tried hard not to meet Eddy's concerned eyes.
"You sure you're good again with the fever and all? You're super red", Eddy whispered when Mr. Thames started laying out today's schedule, standing on the podium.
"I'm good, don't worry", Brett replied toneless while wondering since when this pinkish colour of Eddy's thin button down he was wearing over a white shirt was something he appreciated.

Fortunately for Brett, there wasn't much time to make a bigger fool out of himself. This morning's program was Mozart, then they were going to split in groups for the afternoon and visit different sites of Sydney, all classical music related of course. Brett and Eddy however had to return earlier so they could warm up and practice before this evening's rehearsal of Korngold's third movement. For the first half of the morning, Eddy was going to act as concertmaster and as per usual, he was doing a fantastic job leading the orchestra. His bowings were clear, his cues decisive and he was following Mr. Thames without a shred of doubt despite only having played for about four days under his baton. Good thing he was the concertmaster and not someone else, for Brett wasn't sure if he'd be able to concentrate on anyone other than Eddy Chen. His stage presence, even when not being the soloist, was just something else.

"It's not fair!"
"What isn't?", Eddy asked, stretched his back and let a series of unhealthy sounding cracks loosen up his long body.
"You being so freaking good. I'm sure the jury has already decided on you being the soloist", Brett lamented, one eye catching Cole's shadow disappearing behind the wooden double door. Was he avoiding Brett?
"Nah, man. Still have a lot to learn for sure, and the conductors know that, believe me", Eddy meant and put down his violin, "Coffee?"
"You go ahead. I gotta use the toilet first."
"Alright."

It was weird for Brett to look for Cole. Normally, he was the calm and collected one, always pleasant and funny at the same time and most of all present where he was supposed to be. Brett had rarely seen him down or gloomy and he'd sure as hell never had to search for that guy.
He wasn't yelling for him but it was a near thing. The men's room was a miss, as was the cafeteria and the hallways near the big hall. Break time was nearing its end when he finally spotted him outside the front door of the building, standing by a group of smokers.

Cole didn't smoke.

"Cole? Mate?" Brett stepped outside into the heat.
"Oh, Brett?"
"What are you doing here? It's like forty degrees outside."
"Wanted to get some fresh air."
"Here", Brett's eyebrows touched his fringe.
"Well, yeah", Cole shrugged.
"Something on your mind? Is this about the mystery person you don't want to tell me about?"
"Who said I didn't want to tell you? We just haven't come around yet, have we?"
"How about you tell me now?", Brett smiled encouragingly and tried to ignore the disgusting smoke enveloping him more and more.
Cole looked away. Another untypical thing for him to do.
"One information for another, remember? You don't have to, of course." The amount of times he'd said that line since the beginning of orchestra camp...
Brett's friend took a deep breath. "Remember when you asked if it's about someone from the orchestra?"
"Dude! That was literally two hours ago, how could I forget!"
"Right... it's not how you think though."
"And what is it that I think?", Brett grinned mischievously.
"That I have a crush on someone, obviously."
"Oh", the smaller made, "You don't?"
"Not yet, at least", Cole stated, using his neutral, unaffected tone again, leaving no doubt that he was telling the truth.
"Okay..."
"It was something Angelica told me yesterday after the workshop. Do you know what it was about?"
"I was busy with my own shit, so no, sorry."
"Musicians from the Sydney Symphony came and heard us play an excerpt of Mozart twenty-five, gave us some feedback."
"Oh, wow. That sounds pretty interesting." Brett leaned against the wall to hide his weaklish body under some shade. No need to repeat yesterday's events, was there?
"It was. They said some insightful stuff. But Angelica talked to one of them afterwards. A french horn player." Cole was visibly getting worked up now. "He told her how getting into the Sydney con had been super hard for him, how much he had to give up even though he's a brass player. You know how there are less of them? Imagine us fighting for one single seat in the orchestra with thousands of talented violinists! How is that supposed to work, you tell me?"
Brett gulped, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe.
"You have that spot here at least. As first year even! You'll get recognition for that. But what about me? I'm as average as it gets!"
Brett had never seen Cole's gaze this desperate, this hopeless since he'd met him. And what was there to say to that Cole didn't already know?
How was Brett supposed to respond to the realization that, understandably, scared the shit out of his friend?