1.03 Experimentation

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I had to relocate to my room. Fanny has taken a special liking to Smales. Honestly, it is just the thought of marriage. She wants to be a wife, but she does not like the man for who he is or how he treats her. She planned a perfume testing session with him. There were so many bottles. I feared that they might mix the acid with the perfume. So I just didn't want to be around the two, big deal.

Belle followed me to my room. She watched me experiment and take notes for an hour. I am surprised she stayed for so long. The smell of the acid was definitely getting to her, yet she stayed and watched -- occasionally she would talk with me, but she stayed more focused on her book.

I ran out of things to test on. I have been writing notes for most of the time in my room because of that. I bit my lip in thought. I could test it on myself. The worst that could happen is I get burned, and if I do at least I'll know that it won't help Charlie.

I glanced at my sister to make sure she is invested in her book. I placed my foot on the chair as quietly as possible. Then I lifted my skirt out of the way and lowered my stalkings a little. I grabbed the carbolic acid and pored it onto my thigh. The moment it hit my skin, regret filled me.

I failed. It is still very improperly balanced. "Aah" I groaned in pain. I quickly placed the carbolic acid onto the table. "Kimberley?" Belle asked as she looked up from her book. "Kimberley!" she scolded. She shot up and came over to me. I tried to breathe through the pain, but I can't.

I rushed out of my room, going outside. Fanny's little scent testing session has a bar of drinks. More specifically, it has ice water. The moment I made it outside, I went right to the drink bar. I pored half of the pitcher onto my leg. It still hurts like bloody hell.

My breath is labored as I stand there. I placed the pitcher back onto the table, trying to steady myself. I squeezed my eyes tightly in pain. "Why do you have to be so odd?" Fanny hissed in my ear. I jumped lightly, not having heard her approach me. "Why can't you just be normal" she asked before walking back to Smales.

I finally stood back up, still breathing heavy. This hurts so much. At the same time it is slightly relieving to feel pain for reasons other then whatever condition it is that I have. I looked back to see Smales spraying perfume on my sister.

Perfume is just a bunch of chemicals, much like carbolic acid, yet it smells good instead. It doesn't burn people either. Perhaps, just maybe, if it is applied differently then it wont burn. I have no idea if I am onto something or if I am just being delusional. I turn back to her table, looking at the perfume bottles that rest on a tray there. She won't miss it if it is just one, will she?

I quickly grabbed the closest one before rushing back inside. God does it hurt to walk. It took me a little longer to return to my room due to the hobble; the moment I made it back, I found Belle passing back and forth across my room. "Belle?" I asked concerned. "Kimberley! Are you alright? What the bloody hell happened?" she asked me. With a sigh I moved to the center table. I placed the perfume bottle onto it before looking for a place to dump the perfume out at. "I burned myself with the acid on accident" I lied. It was a good lie. If she knew that I purposely poured it on myself, diluted or not, she would have told our mother -- worried about my well being. Then what good would I be to Charlie, Jack, or the hospital? None is the answer.

Belle sighed. "You must be more careful. We don't know what could happen with your episodes" she told me worried. She crossed the room, stopping me from my search and grabbing my hands in hers. "Please, Kimberley, you must be more careful" she pleaded. I was going to argue with her. I have a medical mystery on my hands, but that does not mean that I cannot do things. I was stopped, however, when I saw the tears slowly gathering in her eyes. "I will. I promise" I whispered.

Belle pulled me into a tight hug. Carefully I wrapped my arms around her. I never knew that she was this worried about me. I mean, I knew she was worried, she's my big sister and she has always listened to me about all things medical -- as she says, I am the most knowledgeable with it that she has ever met. And we have met quite a few doctors between London and here. "Ok, look, I'm done for today. Why don't we lay down. I could use a nap, and I think you can too" I said to her softly. I pulled away and cupped her face. "Nap?" I questioned. Belle nodded with a soft smile.

I dragged her to my bed, dropping her hand just before it so we could go to the opposite sides. I climbed in and patted the bed besides me. Belle gave a small eye roll at my impatience -- she had been taking off her shoes. Once her shoes were off, she crawled into my bed. We both stared at the ceiling in silence. "What if... what if I have what you have? What if it carries over to my baby?" Belle asked.

My eyes widened in shock. Part of why she was so fearful about what the episodes are to me was because it could also be something for her or the baby. I- I never thought of that. I would be paralyzed with fear if I were in her shoes. "It isn't genetic. All of the signs, all of the research -- none of it points to it being genetic" I told her softly. "Are you sure?" she asked me. I could see her turn to look at me from my peripheral vision. I took a deep breathe. I can never be sure. There is no way with what we know about medicine, another reason why I want to do everything I can to change it. "I'm sure" I answered. If I am wrong, I am going to feel so bad. But there is no promise that I will be here when that day happens, so maybe it won't be that bad.

It was silent. This time however, it was more weird. It was almost uncomfortable. I know she knows that I can't 100% know, but it is still a little unsettling. "You were wrong" I told her. I watched as she reeled back slightly. "What?" she asked confused. "About Jack-" I whispered. I rolled to lay on my side, facing her. "He doesn't like me" I bit my lip lightly as she rolled onto her side to face me too "in fact, he was ever so rude. I haven't seen a man be so mean before" I told her. Belle's face scrunched as she thought. "Are you sure he wasn't just in a mood? The doctor has given the vibe to be a relatively explosive type -- once he overflows that is. He doesn't have anyone to share with" she grabbed my hand lacing our fingers "He shows that he cares for you. If you could just get him to open up, you'll see what I mean" she murmured.

I nodded lightly at what she said. She knows far more about men then me. She courted a few before she met Michael. Mother wanted her to marry far more then she wants me to. Give it a year, I'll be shipped off to the first man there if I haven't found one... so maybe I am over selling it, but still. "Ok" I whispered. I gave her a smile before closing my eyes.

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