Here With Me - A Formula 1 Story

Somewhere Only We Know

It's the night before the wedding and I'm stress eating a pint of mint chocolate chip icecream. I'm not sure if this is already a pregnancy craving but I couldn't stop thinking about it the moment I woke up this morning and stopped feeling nauseous. Charles went out and bought me the pint before he left for the night to stay at the airbnb Lando rented.

I'm not even sure what I'm stressed about. Charles and I are already married, it's not like I'm nervous to marry him. I've been there, done that; plus I have a bun in the oven. It's more that I'm nervous of all the cameras that are going to be on me, and the fact that I have to try to hide a pregnancy in front of 200+ people. Don't tell me who all those people are, because I couldn't tell you. If you ask Morgan and Bianca they could tell you, but me? I have no clue.

"Tell me again why there are going to be so many people here?" I ask a bit frantically as I try to ignore the anxiety ripping at my insides. Usually I'm fine with attention even if I don't necessarily like it, but it feels different this time. Maybe it's the fact that this is going to be published in multiple magazines and plastered all over the internet, but I am freaking out.

"I didn't want all of this!" I continue shrilly as I throw my hands up in the air and wave them around. Morgan stares at me like I have two heads and I have to turn away from her judgement or I'll start crying. I start pacing as I take another bite of icecream and try to calm myself down. It's only one day. I can do this. No one will suspect anything if I just chill out and relax. My internal dialogue does nothing to help and I groan in frustration.

"Babe, what the hell is your problem?" Morgan finally asks and I whip my head towards her and glower. Is she serious?

"My problem is the fact that I'm not going to know 90 percent of the people at my wedding. My problem is the fact that I will have to hide a new pregnancy in front of 200 people and pretend like I don't want to just fucking sleep for the next 9 months because I'm so fucking tired. My problem is that Charles isn't here right now because of some stupid tradition that doesn't even matter because we're already fucking married!!!" I rant and when I'm done I slam another bite of icecream in my mouth and begin my pacing again.

Clearly I'm acting insane. I know that, and Morgan certainly knows that. But she doesn't say anything. She just silently grabs her phone from where it's resting beside her and begins texting someone. I ignore her and try again to calm myself down. It works kind of, at least for a little bit until I realize I'm out of ice cream and I feel myself starting to feel weepy and tears begin to fall from my eyes. Fucking pregnancy hormones.

"How are things going in he...." Kelly says excitedly as she steps into the room, but her voice trails off when she sees me standing there looking devastated, holding my empty ice cream carton. She immediately walks towards me and grabs my arms with concern.

"What's wrong?!" She asks with worry and I begin to cry even harder. Her eyes widen and she looks bewildered as she looks between me and Morgan.

"She's having a mental break down." Morgan replies like it's nothing new and not a big deal. And really it's not, I'm just having a moment. Kelly doesn't look any less concerned. If anything she looks more concerned now and she bends down so she can look into my eyes.

"Lyds, can you take a deep breath and try to tell me what's wrong." She says like I'm a child and I start laughing because this is absurd. My behavior is absurd. Kelly looks completely perplexed and it makes me laugh even harder.

"We need to do something Morgan!" Kelly shouts as I continue to laugh. Morgan holds up her phone like it's the solution and for a moment I wonder what she's implying.

"Reinforcements are on the way." She says like that clears up the confusion. Kelly furrows her brows but nods, then she's back to looking at me. I'm finally starting to come down from the laughter and I'm wiping the stray tears from my face with my hand that isn't holding the ice cream, which Kelly begins to take from my hands. I let her since I have no need for it anymore. She then leads me to the vanity that I grew up watching my grandmother use every summer. I stare through the mirror at Kelly as she picks up my brush and begins brushing my hair. It's soothing and I instantly begin to relax.