The Iudex's day off

Side Story 12 - The Duchess of Meropide

 Ridiculous really.

 "That would be all? I don't see how that was worth watching or what makes it funny." I sighed at the amused-looking old man.

 "Oh, I'm just thinking about how the angry man didn't throw out an insult about your spouse. I was somewhat expecting it with everything else that he was shouting."

 To insult Neuvillette...

 Let's see which one would dare to.

 After that incident with the bombs, no one inside Meropide even dared to throw a wrong look at him.

 Some out of fear, some out of respect.

 Well, if they still tried, I would beat them up anyway, so that's another reason for them not to.

 Before I could come up with an, at least somewhat, censored version of what I had just been thinking, one of the inmates shouted over.

 "Old man, I doubt you could find one who would dare do something like that. Even if they don't fear death, His Grace would surely beat them up for it." 

 Can you not say that out loud?

 And...

 "I don't remember anyone dying because of an insult." I retorted.

 "That  judgemental look thrown in our direction when we were talking about some rumors of you, Your Grace, was just a hair's width off from a death sentence." The guy argued.

 Fair enough.

 Neuvillette's judgemental look is pretty bad.

 Oh, and I'm not talking about the one he uses in court. That one is still fine.

 I'm talking about the one that makes it seem like he is on the brink of letting out a long sigh because of just how tired of your bullshit he is.

 It makes you feel like you've committed the greatest offense in existence.

 "Is that look truly that bad?" Bai Feng's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

 "Excuse me?"

 "You just shivered slightly, Your Grace." He pointed out.

 Did I?

 That's certainly embarrassing.

 "I hope you never have to find out, Master Bai."

 He let out one of those teasing old man laughs that I just knew spelled trouble.

 "It appears the Duchess has quite the personality." He chuckled.

 Silence.

 The whole place fell so silent you could hear a pin drop.

 "Du-Duchess?"

 Now that I think about it, because we were keeping our identities a secret, we only used gender-neutral terms in our letters.

 In this case, the term would be spouse.

 And he apparently made the assumption that...

 "Such a good thing to have a caring husband such as yourself, Your Grace. To go so far as to reach out to people in other nations to find some tea to her liking." He continued.

 "Master Bai, please allow me to correct-"

 My words were interrupted as I caught sight of a small hand sign getting exchanged amongst the inmates.

 Claude had told me about this sign some time ago. It had one very important meaning.

 The Chief Justice is approaching.

 A shiver ran down my spine and the next second-

 "The Duchess of Meropide, you say? Oh please. Tell me all about it." Neuvillette's voice sounded from right behind me.

 Ah... f*ck...

 "Ah! Monsieur Neuvillette. how wonderful to see you again. Has your day been going well?" Bai Feng asked him.

 "Aside from that little incident this morning, everything went well. I just came down here to see Wriothesley during a break between two trials." Neuvillette smiled politely.

 Then, still wearing that polite smile, he turned to me for a moment before turning back to Bai Feng.

 Oh oh.

 "So, what was that about the Duchess?" He asked.

 Some distance away, someone laughed for a split second and I had the urge to find and strangle whoever that was.

 To my horror, Bai Feng answered him, all happy and excited.

 "I was just saying how wonderful their relationship must be. Especially with how his grace fills our exchange of letters with nothing but praise for Her Grace."

 I did not do that.

 At least, not as much as he made it out to be.

 "Fills them with praise? Such as?" Neuvillette followed up.

 "Oh, I've seen just about everything from beauty to intelligence. Surely you have heard some as well seeing as how you two seem to have a good relationship, Monsieur Neuvillette."

 "Oh, I wouldn't know. His Grace has never mentioned his wife before, but I would love to hear all about her."

 I felt like crying.

 Neuvillette was teasing.

 It was very clear that he was teasing. Especially with his the corner of his lips threatened to twitch up into something more than a polite smile.

 To have my husband say that he would love to hear all about my so-called wife...

 Aaah!

 It did not help that the inmates and guards alike still standing around watching the show looked like they were about to burst out laughing any second.

 "He never mentioned her? Why would that be so?"Bai Feng showed his confusion.

 "Well, it is most likely because I'm his husband." Neuvillette answered, still wearing the same polite smile.

 To say that the old man's jaw dropped to the floor would be an understatement.

 The next second horror filled his face.

 "Oh, I'm so sorry! I apologize. I shouldn't have made assumptions!" He said quickly.

 "There is no need, Master Bai. I've heard of how you communicated with my husband. I'm in no way offended." Neuvillette reassured him.

 You are not offended but you will tease me about this when we're alone.

 And as if on cue, I heard a murmur from among the inmates.

 "Chief Justice Neuvillette, the Duchess of Meropide."

 This murmur was followed up by a fit of laughter.

 Oh oh.

 This is another kind of 'oh oh'.

 If this spreads in the fortress...

 Archons!

 I will never hear the end of it!

 And that is how a new running joke spread in Meropide.

 When the time the next new convict arrived, one of the first things they heard was a warning not to provoke the Duchess under any circumstance lest they didn't fear death.

 Fortunately for Wriothesley, this little joke did not spread past Meropide's walls, though he still got a few teasing words now and then in the letters from old man Bai Feng, who had been a little too amused by the jokes the inmates created right in front of him.

 As for Wriothesley...

 The poor Duke was asked by his husband to tell him all about what he said in his letter regarding his 'wonderful wife'.

 To this day the Duke still wonders where his innocent husband had learned to tease him half to death.