Blind In Love (Jensoo)

My Shattered Life Without You

I just nod.

I hear them walk out and then there's silence.

I hold my hands and move them near my face. All I see is blurriness and blending of shapes.

I swallow.

I'm never going to see Jennie again.

Her smile. Her beautiful eyes.

This all happened because of me. She wouldn't be in this position...if it wasn't for me.

That's when I start crying.

••••••••••

I get discharged 2 days later after checkups.

The doctor asked if I needed depression medication but I said now.

I'm not depressed.

I just don't feel anything.

Rosie and Lisa come and stay with me in the penthouse. Lisa sleeping on the sofa and Rosie taking the extra guest bedroom with blankets and pillows she brought from home.

I hear someone fall into the couch.

"Get off the couch," I say firmly and I hear both of them stop moving. "You'll spread germs all over it. Take a fucking bath."

I hear one of them get off the bed and a hand grip my arm. "Jisoo?"

I nod. "Rosie. Can you pull out the cane?"

"Of course!" She says and runs off. "Jennie's mom took Kim's back to her house thinking that he would be trouble."

I feel something come into my hand and I touch it to the ground and wave it against the floor.

Rosie moves behind me.

"I'm right behind you," she says.

"I know Rosie," I say and tap it against the ground and try to pull up the layout of the penthouse in my mind.

The stairs are on the left and I should be coming up to—

The cane hits something. The dining table.

I turn left and walk around the table and I use my cane to figure out where the bottom of the staircase is. I take the cane and press it on the bottom stair.

I swallow and hesitantly lift my foot and place it down, moving myself up onto the stair.

"That was great Jisoo," Rosie says.

I close my eyes. "Rosie I know you mean well but just leave me alone."

"Okay," I hear her voice quiet.

I open my eyes and press my cane to the next stair. I step up and I slowly walk up, counting the number of stairs as I go.

I get to 15 when the width isn't normal. I step up and I realize I got to the second floor.

Jennie's room is on the right and mine is on the left so I move as best as I can to the left until my shoulder bumps into the wall.

I walk along it until I feel as if I came into a dent in the wall. I raise my hand and feel the texture of  it compared to the wall. I move my hand down and find the doorknob.

I turn it open and I say, "Rosie, I know you're at the top of the staircase. Can you come here and check my room for anything that could make me trip over?"

I feel her run past me and fix some things and I hear rummaging before I walk through and after a lot more trying, get to my bathroom.

I place my cane on the side and pull my clothes off until I'm naked.