as i get on the bus there's only one spot left. beside conor. eleanor has already taken her seat by kevin. this should be a fun 9.5 hour bus ride. i look at conor and he smiles invitingly.
"mind if i sit by you?" i ask
"of course." he responds smiling
it's now around 11pm, im in leggings and a sweatshirt. i have no idea why we aren't taking a plane but it's okay. conor and i talk and watch each others phones. then we decide to turn on a show, he wants to watch breaking bad and i have no objection. he turns it on and i feel my eyes start to go heavy. my brain becomes foggy and my limbs go weak.
—— i wake up practically on top of conor. i look at him with nothing but fear and horror in my eyes, he's still completely asleep. i look at my phone and it's 2am- i also have a text from Eleanor. no words, just a picture.
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i look back at him. i'm so warm, he pulled a blanket over the both of us. i rest my head on his neck and feel his hand unconsciously touch mine. i can still hear his small snoring and deep breathing.
—— as i wake up i feel my hand on something, which is also covered by another hand. this time when i look up i see conor, fully awake. he's watching game footage on his phone. my hand is on his chest. head still completely in his neck. he smells good, fresh but manly. from what i can tell everyone else around us is still asleep. i look back down at conor's phone, he's liking a picture of some girl on instagram. in a swimsuit. i imminently jolt out of place and turn to face away from him. how naive, how stupid and pathetic.
the last hour of the bus ride i sit in my own disappointment. conor tried talking to me a couple of times but i had my headphones in and acted like i didn't hear him. i know really mature of me, but i might cry if i try to talk to him. i always let my feelings get the best of me. we arrive in Pennsylvania, the hotel looks incredibly nice. i'm sharing a room with Eleanor off of request and thank the lord because i need to catch her up.
after catching Eleanor up and showering- well sitting under the boiling hot water for 10 minutes then forcing myself to wash my hair and body.
i put on my leggings, team sweatshirt, and team jacket. i double check i have everything i need in the bag for the teams practice before the game. Eleanor is setting up her plans for the day and making sure she has everything she needs. we get ready together then walk to a coffee shop. she tells me about hers and kevin's bus ride. they cuddled the whole time, he kissed her forehead. my heart flutters for her.
—— practice runs smoothly, but you can tell there are nerves and excitement in the air. conor and Kevin are unnaturally worried from how i normally view them. i make sure Lukas' ankle is fine one last time. everyone parts their ways before the game. their own rituals, putting on suits for their walk ins. eleanor leaves to go get content for TikTok and instagram while i reorganize my trainers kit. it makes me feel less stressed knowing that it is completely in my control and organized. i find conor before he goes out for his rookie lap.
"hey, good luck. you've got this." i tell him. he smiles at me appreciatively.
"thank you and can we talk later I-"
"yes, but don't worry about it right now." i reply. he skates off with Kevin and they do their rookie lap while i setup behind the bench and in the locker room. Eleanor and i watch from behind the bench.
penguins strike first, sidney crosby of course. the first period ends, during the second period nobody scores. the third period happens and you can tell there is high stakes, nick foligno with the first goal and the second goal by conor bedard. the game ends and the spirits are high.
i try to find conor after everyone has emptied the locker room, i see him talking to someone. i assume it's another hawks player so i tap his shoulder.
"look about earlier-" i begin. except i was not at all expecting to see who conor was talking to
"emme this is sidney crosby, sidney this is emme boldy." i look from conor to THE sidney crosby. no way.
"matt boldys sister? your with bedsy?" he asks
"oh no- im the athletic trainer." i smile shaking his hand. we talk for a couple minutes then i pack up and get onto the bus. Eleanor and i look at the footage she got and she posts it on instagram. "first Blackhawk win!".
we get back to the hotel and eleanor is talking to conor and kevin.
"hey emme, we were gonna hangout in someone's hotel room. are you in?" she asks. i look at conor, i don't know what to do.
"i don't know i think maybe i should turn in." i say with an apologetic smile
"come on em! let's celebrate our win." kevin attempts to convince me. conor walks up to me and talks low enough that only i can hear
"can we talk? meet me at the rooftop in 30." he almost dosent ask me. he tells me. i nod and walk up to my room.
i feel like im about to explode for the 28 minutes i wait in my room. i take off my trainer jacket so all im wearing is black leggings and a blackhawks sweatshirt. i put on more perfume and lip balm. i go up to the rooftop, it's quiet. overlooks the city. i see conor sitting on a chaise. his back is turned away from me. he's wearing a lululemon long sleeve and sweatpants. i sit down beside him silently.
