I Think He Knows

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Max Verstappen

I wake up just as the golden beams of light stream through the open curtains. The warm torso pressed against my chest brings a smile to my face but I also feel ashamed. I... there hasn't been another woman since Kelly but it's also been months. She told me, before... She told me to find love again. So I wouldn't be alone. She said it's okay. 

Be happy Max. Some of her last words before going into a coma come flooding back to me. 

It's fine Max. Sleeping with someone is a good way to move on. It's a wedding everyone hooks up at- wait. 

My heart catches in my throat and I think I might be dying. Charles. Fuck I'm not in bed with a woman. It's Charles. And what might be more shocking than that first revelation is that I don't... I don't think I mind? I mean it's weird but on the edge of my mind I can see a thought buzzing around just out of reach. Oh- right. That.

I pull my arm from where it's draped over his waist and slip out of bed, grabbing my phone from where it's discarded on the floor in the pocket of my suit jacket. An aching in my foot from wearing my shoes all night has me ripping them off and padding into the hallway shirtless and in socks. 

I need to talk to Daniel right now.

The phone rings for a long time and my stomach drops the longer it takes. I really need him right now. But then his voice is in my ear.

"Hey Maxie what's up mate?" He sounds out of breath, panting on the other line of the phone.

"I-" my voice breaks as I begin to blurt out my confession. "I think I'm into Charles"

His laugh lifts some of the weight off my shoulders that I didn't know was there. "Took you long enough din'it? I think you're the last one to figure that out."

"Wait what?" I try to mask some of the shock in my voice and get rid of my defensive tone but I can't hide anything from Daniel.

"I mean you've been wanting him to dick you down since at least the first flight of the season. It's written all over your face when you stare at him."

I send a prayer to whoever listening that Daniel didn't actually know, he's just joking. Oh god. What if everyone can see it? What if there's rumours and my secrets will be spilled before I even get the chance to figure out what  I am. Fuck. I didn't mean for this to happen. What if I've been eye fucking him like Lewis did to Nico? Everyone basically knew they were together from that one look alone. What have I done?

"Uhm... Maxie? You alive there? I was just joking you know." Daniel's voice is filled with concern and somehow it only serves to increase my heart rate at an alarming pace.

My voice is strangled when I finally respond, "Yup right I... Uhm ya I guess I didn't know it was- I don't even know what I am Daniel. I can't be gay right? Cause Kelly... I really did love her. But Charles is obviously gay and shit-" I break of my train of thought as I spill one of the most important paddock secrets. My voice is chocked off for an entirely different reason as I frantically search the halls and make sure nobody overheard. "Please don't tell anyone Dani. Please... I can't have him hate me again. Not now."

"Relax Maxie. I mean I'm not too surprised to be honest, the dicking down goes both ways," My sharp intake of breath must clue him into what I'm feeling. "Too soon?" He asks gently. "You know he likes you though, right? He's barely been able to keep his eyes off you whenever we're all together. Personally, I'd go for it. I mean he's Hot.

Daniel's emphasis on the last word does nothing to to cool the ever growing heat rising in my face. "But what am I?" It should be a simple question but the answer seems impossible, like trying to race blind folded, backwards against F1 cars on a bike. 

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