1.3 | Cellophane

xviii | dream

key:

ishita / jai

i shouldn't have made that comment

i don't know what came over me

that was very inappropriate

i'm sorry

jai, then i should apologise 10,000 times because that's how inappropriate i have been

besides i started it

i threw you a bone expecting it to annoy you and make you reply with a reprimanding use of my name with a period

but you caught the bone and waggled it back at me

i didn't expect it that's all

you don't have to apologise

no, ishita. i crossed a line

so what?

it's not right

what if i want you to cross a line?

you don't know what you're asking for

i'm not a baby, jai

don't say things you don't mean

i mean it, you asshole

ishita, don't fuck with me

why the fuck won't you believe me?

because only yesterday you laughed at the idea of me having feelings for you

that's because i thought you hated me. you've never flirted with me. ever.

all of a sudden you do it... i'm bound to be surprised!

but the way you mocked me... it was insulting, ishita. i had accepted the fact that you didn't like me back so i kept my feelings to myself. it slipped out once and you belittle my feelings? i mean, why is it hard for you to believe i might like you? why wouldn't i have feelings for you, ishita?

because you're... jai. you are almost a millionaire and i'm broke every other week

well, you have a dream and i don't. you have something a lot more precious than what i have

dreams are empty without money

then let's share

what are you saying?

i'll share my money and you be my dream. it's that simple.

jai

now that this is sorted, answer my question. why can't i possibly have feelings for you?

maybe we should have this conversation when we meet

if you're running away from this conversation then no, let's do this now

i'm not running away. i don't run from things that scare me

so my feelings scare you? why?

because it makes my feelings for you real. i was happy deluding myself into thinking you hate me and that we'll never work

now you're breaking that delusion i was living in. that safe bubble around me is no more because now i have to face it

if you like me too, why don't you want us to work?

i so badly want it to. trust me, i want it to. but ik it won't. because i've had shitty relationships till now. i always fuck things up. i don't want to hurt you or lose you. i can't afford to

ishita no

you don't know how i am in a relationship, jai. i turn into someone else. this idgaf exterior is just a shell. and if that shell falls off, i'm clingy, i'm sensitive and needy. i'm blunt af. i'm that woman men think is high-maintenance. once they know me, they run. i make them run.

i won't run

i know and that's the problem.

i can't bear to watch you stay with me just because you're too fucking polite to break my heart

i'm sorry, jai. let's not talk about this again

goodnight

i don't get a say in this?

ishita, you can't make the decision for me

again i'll tell you, you don't know me, ishita. you don't know how much i can love you.

just give me a chance dammit

fuck

i want to see you in my office tomorrow