Mindless

Sixteen

"That easy?" 

"That easy." I nod at Callie slowly. "Headaches, cold, inflammation, stress, muscle spasms, anxiety." 

"You know them all by heart?" 

"Have to look some up." She nods. 

"You smelt of Lavender tonight." I tilt my head at her. "On your neck. When we were out of town it was Cotton and honey and vanilla but today-" 

"I didn't need any whilst we were away. The cotton is probably the scent that the dry cleaners use when they press my shirt. Vanilla and honey are my shampoo and body wash." 

"But you needed something today?" 

"Stress relief. Probably why you felt better laid up on my after your panic attack." 

"Is that what it was? A panic attack?" 

"Have you not had them before?" Callie pushed the last few pieces of food around her bowl. 

"Once or twice. Not often really. I had my first one my first week into college. I was there not even 12 hours and someone drugged me. Pricked me with a needle whilst I was talking to a guy. It was like a scratch. I thought some girl had caught me with like something on her dress but like 20 minutes later I felt horrific. Lil's mum is a doctor so she knew everything to look out for and said I needed the hospital so we went, got pumped full of fluids and whatever else. I was sick for weeks. The next time we were supposed to go out it was the same. I've had a few since but I just thought it was my brain freaking out and me forgetting to breath." 

"Okay. The one by my ears helped though?" Callie nodded. "I'll make you some up tomorrow, show you how to use it." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah." Callie looked at me, pushing the last of her food between her teeth before smiling slowly. "That smirk is going to get you in trouble one day Cal." 

"I have a saying-" 

"Of course you have a saying. That doesn't surprise me in the slightest." 

"Shh. Let me finish." 

"Go on then." 

"Trouble and fun go hand in hand." 

"Oh yeah?" 

"Mhm." She nods quickly. "Everyone seems to think I'm trouble you know? Even Lil and Theo and the girls. They all think it but don't say anything. It's why I was told to keep away from you all. Not just you but Miller, Silva, everyone. I tend to go for fun, ignoring any kind of consequences because thinking about that and the future means you have to plan right? You can't make a mistake if you never never make a life changing decision. If you just do what's great in the now, nothing else really matters." 

"So you work yourself to death because it's fun?" 

"No, see working 2 jobs is me avoiding making a decision on what I want from the rest of my life." Callie settles back slightly. "I was supposed to be a housewife. My parents let me go to Montrose because of gymnastics. I got a full ride scholarship, the housing was cheap enough, it's a pretty solid school, safe area. They really didn't want to. They home schooled me my entire life and I was determined to break out for college, find something new and when I did, god the world was wide open. Problem is, you don't realize how big the world is until you're out there and there's a million options for you and you don't know which is going to be the best long term option." 

"So you're avoiding making one?" 

"Not avoiding. Delaying." 

"Delaying until when?" She shrugs. "Okay. You told my dad you took Sport Choreography?" 

"Yeah." 

"Why?" She shrugs. "Have you done that kind of thing before?" 

"Kind of? I used to work at the gymnastic camps over summer. I enjoyed putting the routines together and I put worked with Matt to build Lilah's Olympic routine." 

"That was you?" 

"Mainly yeah." I stared at Callie in awe. "I mean, I helped Matt build a few, he and Lil told me if it was going to work or not. I didn't do it al-" 

"Callie. You designed a gold medal winning ice routine. Whether you had help or not. Your routine got Lilah that medal. Sure she needed to have the amazing skill to pull it off but it was your routine. You put those moves to that music and Lilah danced it. When you watch a stage show, does the choreographer find reasons to say other people are how they succeeded?" 

"No." 

"So why are you doing it to yourself?" She doesn't answer. "You need to give yourself more credit Callie." 

"And you need to pretend none of this conversation because I am going to put this down to being exhausted and stressed." 

"Well we better get you into your own bed then. Rule 6 and all that."