endgame. || taylor swift & travis kelce

2 | bigger than the whole sky

"Just need to enjoy this little bundle of joy until it's still this little." She tickes Ell's belly and she giggles. "Hi, honey. Sleep well?"

"This little nugget woke me up but it's okay. I got her out of the crib and we slept for another 30 minutes."

I don't mentiom the conversation I had with Tree this morning. Well, what would I mention. There's nothing to talk about.

We finally settle into out seats and the plane takes off to LA.

•   •   •

March 12th, 2021

This was my second appointment, about three weeks after the first one. I was 8 weeks pregnant, not showing at all. Well, I was a bit bloated in the evening when I ate a lot that day, but nothing else. I already told my parents, Austin and some of my closest friends, unfortunally just on FaceTime because of this stupid Covid.

I walked into the room, my OB waiting for me. We greeted each other and chatted while I was getting rid of my coat and stuff.

I was laying on the medical bed and she was getting her ultrasound ready. Once she started and clicked a few buttons, her face froze. Her emotions froze.

"What is happening?" I immediately panicked. I knew it was bad. She wouldn't be acting this was if it wasn't.

"Taylor-"

I interrupted her, tears begging to escape my eyes and I didn't even know what was happening, "What happened?!"

Instead of answering, she turned up the volume. I didn't hear a fast beating like I did last time.

Last time, on my first appointment, where she confirmed that I was, indeed, pregnant. When she turned on the sounds and I could hear the heartbeat, I started tearing up. There was a little, teeny tiny little blop inside of me. And that little blop depended on me. When I heard the heartbeat, that was the moment I truly knew that I am not getting an abortion. I just couldn't.

And this time, tears were streaming down my face for a different reason. They were different kind of tears. These were heartbroken, sad tears. Those were happy and also a bit terrified tears.

The only thing I heard were those mushy sounds that the ultrasound was making. No heartbeat.

"I'm sorry, Taylor." I couldn't look into her eyes. I jusg quickly wiped my tears away, trying to act cool but there were new ones to replace them in a second.

"It's fine." I whispered. I was most definitely not fine. My voice was shaky, I was sobbing.

She held my hand while removing the ultrasound from me. I cleaned up and tried to get up, but my legs gave out and I sat back down.

"Should I call Joe? He can pick you up." She was our mutual friend, so she knew both of us pretty well.

"No, I can handle this."

"Are you sure?"

I just nodded, not capable to answer verbally. I gathered my stuff and was about to leave.

"Can you come for one last check up in 2 days before I give you the pills?"

Again, I just nodded and dissapeared from the hospital.

That night, when I got home, I just locked myself in one of the spare bedrooms we had in our 'England home' with all of the cats. Joe saw me walk in, my make-up ruined, my face swelled, my eyes red. He saw me and didn't say anything. I just assumed my OB already called him.

That night, with Meredith, Olivia and Benji sitting around me on the bed (which was quite huge, they were almost never in the same room) I wrote 'Bigger Than The Whole Sky'.

The cats must have felt how I felt. They were my consolation that night. It should have been him. It should have been but it wasn't. I cried myself to sleep that night, all of the cats touching me one way or another and my guitar laying next to me.

A/N: i am sorry but just the image of Taylor having Tree in her contacts as "🌳 Paine" is so hilarious to me. i don't even know how i thought of that, it was just a random funny thought at like 11pm😂

also, i know i am publishing it like after 2 days but don't get really used to it (that sounds so bad🫣). we have a lot of tests this week and next week so i don't really have time to do anything else. these are pre-written

don't forget to vote or comment, i would love to hear your opinion

love you, ell🤍