A beautiful, captivating guy. A full of life, free spritied girl...... And her loving boyfriend.
It should be fine, right?
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//MATURE AND EXPLICIT CONTENT//
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It had been three days.
Three days since I tried to kiss the one person I should never even think about like that. Three days since I made a complete fool of myself, three days since I got rejected in the most soul-crushing way and three days since I'd been swimming in self-pity, feeling so miserable that it physically hurts.
It was my own fault really. I don't even know what I was thinking.
That she'd reciprocate my feelings? That she'd melt against me instead of pulling away? Or maybe that I could make her suddenly forget about her perfect boyfriend, who she had been in love with for years?
I'm such a fucking moron.
I don't think I had ever done anything this stupid in the 23 years that I'd been alive. Not just trying to kiss a girl who wasn't mine to kiss, but falling in love with her, too... I swear I'm the biggest idiot on the planet.
April and I hadn't talked since I ran away that night. Not really, anyway. It was kind of impossible not to share a word with her when we were all locked up in a house for the weekend, surrounded by our friends – so our communication was reduced to the most awkward dialogues and small talk in history, asking if the other wanted coffee in the morning or sharing comments on how nice the weather was.
It was awful. I wanted to die in embarrassment, hide away not just from her but from the whole world. And I knew she wanted to talk about it, even attempted to do so a few times, but I would never survive that. I knew what she'd say – that it was okay, that it didn't mean anything and that it doesn't have to be weird between us now, but she'd also stare into my soul with those big blue eyes of hers while saying those words, making it obvious how sorry she was for me and I just couldn't have that. I'd rather be in this awkward place with her for eternity than to listen to the pity-speech and have her look at me like that.
We would never be able to forget about it anyway, so there was no point in trying really. We could pretend all we wanted, but from now on, whenever our eyes met we'd be reminded. I'd remember being so close to her, smelling her perfume, the feeling of my lips brushing against hers and what it was like to have her breath hitting my skin.
And April... well, she'd remember the discomfort and the absolute panic she must've felt when she realised what I was about to do. From now on every time she'd look at me, she'd see the shame and embarrassment on my face, just like she did when she rejected me.
There was no way out. This was it, I'd barely been here for two weeks and I already fucked it up.
Realising this, I spent last night looking at plane tickets. I had nowhere near enough money to pay for a flight back home yet, but I was hoping Andrew would help me out with that. Maybe if I explained the situation, he'd agree that there was no other solution than for me to cut the trip short. It clearly wasn't a good idea to leave the safety of England, there might be a reason for the fact that I never stepped out of London before.
