Literary Harts

7. Party

            My hands had ached.

On the very ends of each finger had been smidges and stains of pencil marking that would remain whenever the side of my hand had pressed down on the paper. With every mistake that I would erase away, a sense of comfort had brought me at ease.

Rough sketching was always my favorite part of drawing because nothing is final. Everything is all a work in progress. From the placing of a line to the shaping of an object—nothing is final until I deemed it to be. It was the only time were mistakes were allowed for me and I could choose when to correct it. If only life could operate the same way.

Fana Hues' music was the perfect complement for everything that had gone on for me. My room may not have been the exact replica of my art station back home, but it was enough for me. With my hair tied up and a white tank top that I had stolen from Trae keeping me covered, I was determined to bring something to life before the sun would set. From the way my sweat dripped immensely, I should've called it quits, but I couldn't.

With my thoughts focusing on my drawing, my phone had been going off all day with messages. Vera kept me updated with her crush, Abuela sent scriptures from her conspiracy group chat on WhatsApp, Khalil asked for money, Anthony sent me photos of the sky, and Mami kept trying to get on the phone. It was overwhelming.

When I thought Trae's smile would be the very thing that I would catch myself drawing today, something else had been on my mind.

Mami.

She's who I had been drawing.

After what happened, she's been on my mind a lot. I hated what our relationship was coming to, but I didn't know how much more of it I could take. It seemed whenever I bled, it'd always be because of her. For once, I wanted her to do the very thing she used to do for me—be there for me.

I thought by crafting sketches over her, then maybe I could send them over to her and show her the beauty that would come about whenever my hands had been met with a pen and a sheet of paper. I just couldn't understand why she was so difficult. If only she could see that this hobby of mine could take me somewhere. The only problem was that I didn't know how.

People say college doesn't guarantee a job or success, but it surely does give someone more of an advantage than someone without a degree, yet the questions for me is if I needed a college degree to paint.

Every day on social media I see nothing but other artists making a living on their talents without the aid of school. They either have brand deals or market themselves all on their own. I thought about doing commissions and even starting up an art page, but I knew myself. I'd get lazy and would only fail to deliver. I couldn't shake myself out of this funk, so what hope would I have doing commissions for anyone?

With my doubt finally eating me away, I took a break from my sketches of Mami to see if any assignments had been graded. It seemed that my social life had been none at all. While hoping for some excitement to unfold, a flyer for an off campus house party had been posted everywhere. At first the idea was no interest to me since college parties haven't been what I hoped for them to be, but tonight might be different.

The idea remained in my head.

With nothing to lose, I sent the flyer over to Bianca. I then stepped away from my desk and found myself knocking at Khaell's door. When she opened it, I had saw how dark her room had been.

"Is it hot in your room? Why are you sweating so much?" Her concerns had ran wild for me.

"The heat makes me draw better." I used my top to wipe away the sweat. "But that's not the point, get dressed, you, me, and Bianca are going to a party tonight."