Remembering Summer [COMPLETED]

The Sun, the Moon and the Stars

The Sun, the Moon and the Stars

19th June, 2016

Summer has crept in out of nowhere, and the temperatures are slowly, but steadily, going up. Most girls have already started to wear crop tops and tanks to match the weather.

Meanwhile, I've slowly built my stamina with midnight until we reached the point where we'd go running around the whole block twice without stopping. I feel proud of myself, and I know that you would have been proud too.

I also started to smile more everyday, trying to absorb everything around me, realizing how short life actually is. I think I always knew I wouldn't be able to hide in my room after you died, but it took me eight months, a little kid and runs with Midnight at five in the morning to realize that.

That doesn't mean I'm fine; far from it actually. But at least I've started on the long road of... not recovery, because I can never recover from your death, but partial healing. I don't think I'll ever be able to piece my heart back together again, since you took half of it with you, but maybe I can fill it up with mismatched pieces of someone else who's willing to help me. Like Michelle, who has unknowingly been the catalyst to my somewhat positive approach to my grief. I still feel like crying every time I see something related to you or see something that reminds me of you, but the tears have slowly stopped coming in waterfalls. They're more like small streams now, and less frequent.

I also bought my graduation dress. It's the one you've always dreamed of. We were passing by Marissa's Boutique, and it was still on sale. My feet automatically carried me towards it, and Mom followed right behind.

"It's the one Summer wanted, isn't it?" She said in a quiet voice.

"Yeah," I whispered, trying to get past the lump in my throat.

"Maybe you should try it on," She replied.

At first, I was completely against the idea, but, with some convincing, I finally agreed to try it on. It fit really well, but it wasn't as nice on me as it was on you.

This dress was made for you, and that was one of the main reasons why I bought it. I couldn't let anyone else have it, and I knew you would want me to buy it. Call it twin telepathy, like the time we got matching Parabatai bracelets for each other on our sixteenth birthday without even knowing, but I knew. And so I bought it.

The school principal, Mr. mortiz, requested that I say something about you at graduation about a month and a half ago, and I agreed after thinking about it for a while. I realized that if there was anyone who should speak about you and in your memory, it should be me. And so there I was, on the stage, after the valedictorian said his speech, and after Mr. Mortiz announced that we have a moment of silence for you.

"Summer, as many of you know, was my twin," I said into the microphone, choking on the 'was'.

"She was a straight A student, the volleyball team co-captain and everyone's favorite girl. As her twin, I knew her better than I knew myself, and together, we completed each other. Two halves of one whole."

There, I had to stop a bit, not trusting my voice, as it wobbled on the last few words. Tears fell from my eyes, and I didn't think it would be this hard. The silence was deafening, but I knew I had to go on, for you.

"The dress I'm wearing underneath my gown is actually the dress she was saving up for," I said, as I pulled the black gown to the side to show them the champagne dress peeking out from underneath. I looked to the seats where the seniors were sitting, and saw most of the females crying. It was then and there that I realized they never really got over you. I didn't feel any anger towards them anymore, because I finally understood that I was the one who shut them out. I felt that they would never understand my grief, and I know now that they never will, but I could've at least been there for them like I'm sure they would've been there for me if I let them.

"She loved dressing up and doing girly things, and would drag me with her to the mall to go shopping." Slight pause, so I can swallow past the lump in my throat.
"There is so much to say about Summer, who lived up to her name with her warmth and beauty and sunnyness, if such a word exists," I laughed, but it came out choked due to the tears.

"All I know is that Summer was my sun, and when she left, I began to spin out of orbit, not knowing where to go, or what to do. But as I stand before you on my graduation day, I realize that I don't need to know where to go. Summer used to love taking drives around the city, going random places, stumbling upon hidden gems in the downtown area, or finding disasters, never knowing where she was going. She didn't need to. She had faith that wherever she ended up, it was meant to be. But no matter where she went, she almost always took me with her, except this time. This time, she went to a place no one in the land of the living can follow, but oh how I wanted to."

I took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat that seemed to lodge itself permanently in my trachea, not allowing me to breathe easily.

"All I want to say is that Summer was beautiful, inside and out. She was the sun, the moon and the stars, she was the light. She was always there for me, just like I was always there for her. And her leaving was and is and will be the hardest thing I had to face in life. And I don't think I'll fully be able to recover, because when she went, she took a part of me with her that I'll never be able to get back. And now, I realize that I don't want it back. Summer made me a better person, and for that, and everything else she has done for me, I'd forever be thankful."

By then I was a blubbering mess, but I had one last thing to say.

"I love you Summer, and I will never stop loving you. Thank you."

And then Mom came onto the stage and led me down gently, where we met Dad, and they both squished me in between them, and we shared a much-needed hug.

-June; the one who has learnt to let go of some of her anger