Remembering Summer [COMPLETED]

A Month

A Month

19th November, 2015

Its been exactly a month since Summer... and I don't know what to do. My stupid therapist told me that maybe I should keep a journal, and write in it at least once a month. She also said that I didn't have to show it to anyone, not even her, and if I wanted to, I could even do it in video format. Like hell I would, all the video would be of me crying and hiccupping. At least here, the only thing to witness my tears is the now wet page.

God, I fucking miss you Summer.

Why did you have to leave so soon? You of all people.

I saw a picture once, and it basically went something like this.

Kid: Why do good people die?

Some random adult that I can't remember what their relation to the kid is: When you're in a pretty garden, you pick the prettiest flowers, don't you, kid? The same with God.

Now I call bullshit, and you know why Summer? Because life isn't as nice as a pretty garden, or as serene. Its just unfair and filled with nasty weeds. There are a few pretty flowers here and there, but you weren't one of them Summer, you know what you were? You ar- were the Sun that nurtured them. But you know who one of the flowers that you helped grow was?

Me, Summer. Me.

And now who's gonna help me grow Summer? A flower can't grow without its Sun, so how does anyone in this world expect me to continue to grow and flourish without my goddamn sun?

I feel so alone now that you're gone Summer, now that my better half has left me. What's left for me to live for, now that you aren't here? Huh?

I thought of following you so many times, Summer, so much so that I almost went through with it. I had the bottle of pills and everything. But then I remembered the heart-broken look on Mom's face when they lowered you to the ground, and realized that I couldn't do that to her. For her to lose Summer is devastating. But to lose June too? It's better if we left her to live in winter for all eternity than to subject her to such a thing.

You remember how much Mom hated winter, right? Funny, since that's the season we were born in. Remember how she'd tell us that she called her two favorite girls after her favorite season, summer, and the month that it starts with, June? She'd call us her little rays of sunshine, and it kind of matched, what with us having hair the color of the Sun, as she loved to say. She doesn't say things like these anymore. She doesn't say much of anything actually anymore.

So I stayed. I stayed for Mom, I stayed for Dad, and I stayed for Midnight. Do you know that he claws at your door at night, trying to see if you'd miraculously appear so that he can sleep with his favorite pillow? And when he realizes that no one's ever opening that door from the inside ever again, he stays in front of it, whining softly till he goes back to the kitchen and lies down in his doggy bed. I know, because I watched him, wishing the same thing he does, for you to come back home.

God, I miss you so so so bad Summer. And it's killing me.

Actually, I died inside the day you did.

-June, the twin that became one