My Dearest Enemy

17| you're scaring me

❝Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.❞

—Martha Beck

S E V E N T E E N

Mira texted that she'd be running a little late for lunch. Apparently, her class was being held hostage. I texted back my sympathies and headed to the cafeteria. Grabbing lunch, I found an empty table near the windows.

I was just about to bite into my slice of pizza when someone asked, "Mind if I join you?"

I glanced up to find Noah beaming at me. I lowered the slice. "Uh, sure. I mean...err...no? I actually never know the right way to answer that question."

He laughed, pulling back a seat and setting down a small bowl of Tupperware. "I know what you mean." He glanced around at the empty seats. "Mira isn't with you?"

"She's currently in a hostage situation with her chemistry teacher."

His brows shot up. "Ah." He threw me a rueful look. "Well, I guess that gives me the chance to properly apologize for all that stuff I said the other day. I wasn't thinking, and it wasn't right to dump all of that on you."

I waved him off. "No apology needed." As he dug into his bowl of pasta, I caught the concern lingering on his face. "You really care about him."

He shrugged. "He can be a stubborn pain in the arse, but to truly care for someone is to love them in spite of their faults, right?"

I leaned back, impressed. "I don't know many guys who would readily proclaim affection for their friends."

"Ah yes, the plight of straight men in the throes of toxic masculinity. Luckily, I don't identify as one of them."

I blinked. "Oh." Then, reassessed. "So, when you said you love Spencer you meant..."

He laughed. "As a friend. I'm already spoken for."

I nodded, then winced. "That was a very heterosexual thing of me to ask, wasn't it?"

His smile persisted, his eyes glittering with amusement. "I've heard worse."

Taking a bite of my pizza, I chewed thoughtfully, mulling over something that had been bugging me since I'd met the two of them.

"How did you and Spencer become friends exactly?" Noah was so pleasant and Spencer was so...not. I could hardly imagine the two getting along, let alone being compatible friends.

His eyes grew wistful. "It's quite the story actually. One, I'm afraid, I can't tell."

I put a hand up. "My bad. I didn't mean to pry."

"No, it's not that. I'd be happy to tell you. It's just a rather personal story for Spencer, and its not my place to share."

I would be lying if I said that didn't make me even more curious to know. "So then, what drew you to him exactly? Since, as you said the other day, he wasn't always so....charming."

He laughed at the euphemism. Then, his expression shifted, carrying something curiously mischievous. "Oddly enough the same thing that drew me to you." At that, my interest piqued. His eyes darkened, growing distant as he spoke. "When I first laid eyes on him, he had this deep sadness about him, a withdrawn look in his eyes. Like he was going through all the motions of living, but he wasn't fully there, or didn't want to be. Although he was good at hiding it, and has probably gotten even better at it if I'm being honest, I just got the sense that he was...incredibly lonely."

Noah's words weighed on my mind as I went about my day. It hadn't just been the implication that I was in any way similar to Spencer that got to me, it was that word. Lonely. It echoed through the chambers of my mind, amplifying a pain within me, wrenching at a hollow space within my chest. No matter how hard I tried to shake the feeling, brush it away, it clung to me, fierce and desperate.