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1. the case

I sit at my desk, forcing myself to focus on my paperwork. We are on a case involving BDSM right here in D.C., and it's affecting me in all the wrong ways. I was into BDSM with my ex, and it's been so long since the last time anyone has ever tried anything more rough with me other than the standard light choking and wrists tied above my head. This case is starting to affect me, especially since I've had this stupid little crush on my unit chief, who is currently sitting comfortably in a chair beside my desk, her elbow resting on top of it.

She's been way too casual on this case. She has been basically holding this case on her own, obviously knowing her way around the BDSM community a little too well. She attempted to conceal how much she really knows, but after a while, and an incessant amount of teasing from the team last night after a few too many drinks, she gave in. Now, her and Alvez are talking over my head, and my vision has gone out of focus as they talk about nothing other than BDSM.

I hadn't really been paying attention at first, knowing I'm the new person and I shouldn't eavesdrop on their conversation. However, with Alvez sitting on my left side at his desk, and my intimidating unit chief on my right, I find it impossible to focus on my work. Alvez is asking Emily all sorts of questions about the community, seemingly wanting to get into it himself after the intrigue of what he saw in the BDSM club we staked out.

I didn't fully start listening until they started talking about doms and subs. I feel my cheeks start burning as Alvez asks her a question about bondage. "Well," Emily begins casually, "Typically with doms and subs there can be bondage involved. If you end up submitting to a dom, you still have the capability of telling them how tightly you want to be bound, stuff like that."

I feel as if my eyes are burning holes right through my paper as she speaks. I force my hand to keep moving on the page, not even sure what I'm writing anymore.

She continues on, as if this is the most normal conversation in the world. "In the BDSM community, consent is a highly respected part of what happens. If the sub wants to go about pleasing their dom but are uncomfortable with the tightness of a rope or strap, they could always tell that to the dom. If the dom thinks they can take it, then they will tighten the bonds just a little tighter past what the sub agreed to, saying 'that's it, I know you can take it,'" Emily brings the hand that isn't on my desk down to her waist, pulling on an imaginary strap twice, lifting her hip slightly as she does each time.

My thoughts have been unholy for the past several minutes as she was speaking in that low raspy voice of hers, but this, this was straight up sinful. I quickly stand, closing my notebook, and immediately walk away, turning away from Emily so she doesn't see how much her words were affecting me. Alvez is too caught on every single word Emily was saying to notice my behavior.

I pass JJ as I head to the elevators, and she stops me, a hand on my arm. "Hey, are you okay?" Her maternal instincts kick in as she reads my face and misjudges my scrunched face for worry and stress. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I'm just running to my car really quickly. I need to grab something I forgot," I make up a quick lie for my trip out of the bullpen. She nods slowly, not really believing me. "Okay, hurry back," she smiles lightly at me and I attempt to smile back at her.

I stumble my way into the elevator, taking a deep breath as the doors close behind me. I feel hot all over, feeling like a young child that has been caught doing something they weren't supposed to be. I feel guilty for being so turned on right now by my unit chief, I feel as if I could melt at least three feet of snow from around me once I step outside. The doors open, and I'm met with a perfectly icy blast of winter air.

I step out, taking in the scenery as I feel the cold air piercing through me, calming me down. I've only been up here once before, when I had gotten so overwhelmed from my first case I needed an escape from the ever watchful eyes of the team. I wander over to the edge of the building, the wall around me just high to reach above my waist. I lean on it, feeling the cold snow melt into my clothes. I shiver slightly. I should have brought my coat.