Inheritance: Threads of Fate

Chapter Thirty - Partners

    The sun woke you the next morning, but you didn't feel as if you had even slept. The whole previous day felt like a dream. You opened your eyes, and they felt heavy... your face was dry and you were so thirsty. You rolled over and saw Raxe still asleep on the settee, sprawled out, snoring silently. You couldn't help but feel a pang of love for him, he really was a good friend.

Right on cue a knock came at the door, you tiptoed to open it a crack.
"Morning Captain. Will you be taking breakfast this morning?"
"Yes. Thank you."
The crewman nodded and walked away, and you closed the door. You sat back on the edge of the bed. Unsure of what you were supposed to do now. You felt as if you were watching yourself from out of body. Observing this series of events from another's eyes. It was just you. Caspian was yours no more, and you were no longer his. This is a fact.

The second knock woke Raxe, who sat up straight mumbling something about geese.
You took the tray of coffee and breakfast to the table, and sat down staring at it. Coffee, you still like coffee right? You liked that before Caspian. That was still yours.
Raxe yawned and collapsed on the chair opposite of you. "You eat like this every morning?"
You nodded silently, then looked up at your dove cage where Firetalon was still sleeping peacefully in her nest. That night Caspian gifted them to you... you think that was the night you truly fell in love with him... you felt a lump rise in your throat but you had no more tears to cry. You just felt numb.
"Hey..." Raxe regained your attention. "Are you... coping alright?"
You shrugged. "I don't know what I'm supposed to feel anymore."
He looked down at the table in thought. "Well... I assume you're going to feel sad for a while, and that's normal. You went through a lot yesterday so... just try to take it easy today?"
"Yea..." you trailed off.
"Here. Coffee." He offered to pour you some from the pot.
You took it, more from habit than want.

The rest of the morning was more of the same. Everything was done from routine. Washing up, brushing your hair, getting dressed, you really didn't know why you were doing it other than its what you always did.
"Come on, let's get you outside. You're still the Captain." Raxe smiled and offered you his hand.

He led you up the stairs to the helm deck, and you stopped suddenly at the top as a stone sank to the pit of your stomach. Caspian was up there with your father.
He looked just as uncomfortable to see you.
"Oh.. I'll go... sorry." He stammered.
"No... it's alright... go ahead and finish... I'll wait... " you responded just as awkwardly and turned to walk down the stairs.
"Now listen you two..." your father spoke up, "you are both key members of the crew and are going to be seeing and interacting with each other a lot these next few weeks. We still have a rescue mission to complete, and a crew to care for. I know you are both hurting right now, but we need you to find some common ground here."
You realized that the situation with Caspian aside, your mother still needed help and you needed to focus on that and your responsibilities as Captain. "You're right Dad."
"Of course." Caspian also agreed, looking a bit ashamed. "What say you, Captain? Can we still be partners?"
"Captain." You know he meant it as a sign of respect, but it still sounded so cold...
"Yes. Of course, Sire." You responded calmly, and noticed a flash of hurt cross his eyes. A small part of you felt a twinge of satisfaction.
Caspian cleared his throat. "The winds have died down a bit. Doleraz and I were just discussing expecting another two days out of this trip if they don't pick back up by tonight."
"Great." You responded sarcastically, realizing that part of your lack of enthusiasm was that you were going to be faced with the constant reminder of heartbreak for another two days. Where just two days ago you wouldn't have minded so much, because it meant more time with Caspian... You quickly refocused. "Does it seem like our rations will hold out?"
"Yes. Thankfully the crew overpacked when we left Calormen. We should have plenty to last us until we reach Terebinthia."
"Thankfully you took very detailed inventory last week." Your father said to you.
You and Caspian turned beet red, and you felt tears welling up again.
"I'm sorry...I can't..." you choked out, turned and hurried down the stairs.

    "Breathe... Don't cry in front of the men..." You took deep breaths while you leaned forward against the railing on the starboard side, letting the breeze cool your burning face. Your eyes were closed but you felt someone lean on the railing next to you.
"Can we talk?" Caspian's voice ended your attempt at self-control. You opened your eyes. He was leaning with his back against the railing, his arms folded across his chest, looking down at his feet.
"Yea." You responded quietly, not looking at him.
"I'm sorry." He said, surprising you.
"You're sorry?" You questioned, turning your head towards him.
"Yes. I'm sorry I put you through any of this. I'm sorry I didn't have the self control to resist courting you in the first place. I'm sorry you had to be the stronger person, though I'm not actually surprised at that one... but mostly I'm sorry you're hurting so much... regardless of everything I still care about you very much and I don't wish to see you in pain." He still didn't look at you.
"I could have said no too..." You thought. "I allowed it just as much as you pursued it. We're both to blame for this..." You looked out over the ocean.
"Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?" He asked, turning towards you slightly.
"Stop asking things like that... for starters..." You shook your head.
"Stop asking...what?" He was genuinely confused.
"Stop being nice. Stop telling me you care about me. Stop being understanding and apologetic....stop being you..." You ended under your breath.
"Uhm... I'm sorry... did you want me to treat you...badly?"
You sighed. "Nevermind," and hid your face in your hands, pressing the palms of your hands against your eyes to try to force the tears back inside your head.
"We once spoke about compromising at being very dear friends..." He trailed off.
"Yea." You inhaled deeply, "Yea, we can work back towards that..." and removed your face from your hands to look at him. His eyes threatened tears as well, but he remained far more composed than you. "I still care about you too..." You added quietly.
"Good." He gave you the smallest smile in the corners of his mouth, and pushed off the railing. "I'm going to go help the crew with Raxe's forge..."

This was going to be a long journey...

CONCLUDED IN INHERITANCE: SCALES OF CHANGE