Inheritance: Threads of Fate

Chapter Twenty Nine - You Will Let Her Go

Caspian slammed the door to the study shut, fighting back tears. "Don't let them see you cry. Kings don't cry." He told himself. He stormed onto the deck, looked around through blurred vision, saw the ladder to the crows nest and began his way up.
"Sire...what are you..." The crewmen posted in the nest was shocked to see Caspian up there.
"You're relieved for the day sailor. I'm not to be disturbed." He replied shortly.
As soon as he was alone, she slumped to the floor and broke down. "You knew this was coming..." He scolded himself. "You should have never given her false hope. She was strong enough to do what you couldn't. You deserve this."  It was colder up here than on deck, for a second Caspian thought about going back down to retrieve his cloak but again thought "You deserve this. You deserve to be punished for breaking her heart."
He sat up there all day. Would not accept any food. Doleraz and Raxe took turns going up there to try to convince him to come down, or eat something, but he refused. The sun was going down, and it was getting cold...very quickly.

"Has he said anything to you?" Doleraz asked Raxe as he came back down, being denied for the millionth time that day.
"No." Raxe shook his head. "Neither has she."
"What in the world ... Something must have happened between them..." Doleraz looked up at the nest from below.
"We can't let him stay up there. I was freezing and I was only up there for a few minutes. He doesn't have a cloak, a blanket...nothing."
"And neither of them have eaten all day."
"You go talk to her." Raxe motioned to the Captains quarters, "She's your daughter..."
"But she's closer with you, she'll be more receptive to you I think... Plus if I have to fight the king to get him down, he'll be more likely to take it easy on me." Doleraz chuckled.
"Alright." Raxe sighed, and went off towards the cabin.
Doleraz grabbed a blanket, and a lantern, and made his way up the ladder once more, determined to get the king down if it killed him.

"Sire." He announced himself as he reached over the ledge. "It's dark, will you please come down?"
"No." Caspian said firmly, not lifting his head from his arms.
"Ok well. I'm coming in then, and you'll have to push me off to get me to leave, and murder wouldn't look very good in the history books."
Caspian looked up with bloodshot eyes to glare at him, but didn't move.
"Here." Doleraz tried to drape the blanket around Caspian who was visibly shivering, but Caspain shrugged it off.
"You're going to catch your death up here. If you insist on saying at least put the blanket on."
Caspian allowed Doleraz to cover him.
"Thank you... Now will you please tell me what in Aslan's name is going on?"
Caspian shook his head, fighting tears.
"It's alright, Son." Doleraz placed his hand on Caspians shoulder. "It's ok to cry."
Caspian couldn't hold it back, he began sobbing again. "She ended whatever it was we had..."
"Oh..." Doleraz sat down on the floor next to Caspian. "Did she say why?"
"She said we couldn't continue to live in our fantasy world... that she couldn't stand by and watch me have a family that didn't involve her...that she couldn't be my silent lover..." He coughed between sobs, "Sorry Sir."
"No, no apologies necessary... Is that what you were asking of her?"
"Absolutely not..." Caspian's eyes turned a shade darker. "I would never ask that of her. She was the only woman I would have wanted to have a family with...I....love her." He ended softly. "She was right... she deserves better..."
"Well...I'm not sure how much better she could have than a good man who loves her..."
"One who isn't obligated by status to marry for his country. One who can love her openly and give her the life she wants..." Caspian wiped his eyes with the blanket.
"Hmm. And you being the King...is there no way around the law?"
"No... I already looked it over a while ago. Laws can be changed for state altering reasons, but this hardly qualifies... Sir... I need to apologize to you. We both knew at the beginning that nothing could come of this, but I was the one who pursued your daughter. I was the one who couldn't let it go, and now I broke her heart...and I wasn't even man enough to be the one to do it. I had to force her to break her own heart...I deserve every punishment I have coming to me..."
"Is that why you've been keeping yourself up here in the cold? As punishment?"
Caspian didn't respond.
"I know you love my daughter, it couldn't be more obvious how much. And I know she loves you just the same, she told me so. Maybe we can look through the laws again..."
"No...this is the best thing for her... If I truly do love her, I have to let her go..."
"Be that as it may, I know she wouldn't want you freezing to death up here. Won't you please come down, at least to the deck?"
Caspian shook his head.
"Son, you can't sleep up here..."
"I can. And I will if it means she can wander about her ship without the sight of me tormenting her."
Doleraz sighed. "You are just as stubborn as she is..."
Just then Raxe popped his head up over the edge. "Oh good. You got him to take a blanket."
"How is she?" Doleraz asked.
"An absolute wreck." Raxe stepped up into the nest and leaned against the edge.
"You were with her?" Caspian asked.
"Mhm."
"Has she...eaten at all?" Caspian asked cautiously.
"I got her to have some toast." Raxe smiled and crossed his arms.
"Good... she won't eat when she gets upset... but then she gets these horrible headaches..."
Raxe and Doleraz exchanged a look.
"His highness still refuses to come down..." Doleraz spoke to Raxe.
"I'm not a child, Doleraz." Caspian glared at him.
"You know she asked me to come up and make sure you didn't spend the night up here... she's worried about you." Raxe raised his eyebrow at Caspian.
"She...did?" Caspian thought quietly. "Well...I suppose I would still be out of her way in the crew's quarters tonight..."
"Good lad. Come on now." Doleraz patted Caspian on the knee and had him follow Raxe down.
Once back on deck Caspian turned to Raxe. "Will you... make sure she's not alone tonight? She might fight you on it but... she'll sleep better with you there..."
"Yes, Sire." Raxe smiled and made his way back to the cabin.
"Come on Son, I have a hammock with your name on it." Doleraz started to lead Caspian down below deck, but he looked back at the doors to the study, remembering the first night he spent there. He didn't want to leave her side, so he slept on that uncomfortable settee every night for the first few weeks of the voyage. Being close to her was enough to make the sleeplessness bearable... now he's going to be as far away from her as possible on this ship... "To make her comfortable." He said to himself as he allowed Doleraz to guide him downstairs.
The crew's quarters were dark and cold. Single hammocks and cots spread about sporadically with a furnace in the middle to keep the temperature above freezing. Caspian climbed into a hammock next to Doleraz, and lay awake as he heard the other men around him snoring and talking in their sleep. This was the first time he had slept alone in weeks. He felt tears boiling up in his eyes again as he thought about the first time she invited him to share her bed. It was innocent, and sweet, and perfect. He held her in his arms all night, and watched her sleep. She was...is, so beautiful. Her chaotic mind only at rest in her sleep, and he wanted to relish in those fleeting moments. How could he imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone else?
He looked out the porthole window at the sea spray splashing up onto it. He shivered remembering the night he jumped into the depths to save a man from drowning. To this day all he could remember was the chill of the water, a flash of her standing close to him in front of the fire while he was shivering, and then waking up to her at his bedside as he coughed his lungs out. He would never admit this to anyone but there were moments that he was afraid he would never recover. If it wasn't for her, he definitely wouldn't have. Not just the herbs she treated him with but his love for her drove him to continue to get better. He wouldn't allow the pneumonia to take him away from her... He fell asleep with the image of her standing with her hands on her hips, focusing hard on something he was trying to describe to her without words. He smiled as a tear ran down the side of his face.