Inheritance: Threads of Fate

Chapter Twenty Eight - If You Truly Love Him

You watched Caspian sleep soundly, the moonlight shining through the back windows as his chest moved up and down gently. You spent every night this past week replaying the conversation you and your father had in your head, changing your mind every other day on which you decided would hurt more. To end this fantasy with him now, or wait until the very last second.
You rolled onto your back, staring up at the darkened lantern swaying back and forth with each rock of the ship. There was no doubt in your mind that you loved him, and that he loved you. But it was foolish to continue convincing yourself that things would just "work out" on their own. What did you think was going to happen? You find your mother in Terebinthia, go back home to the Lone Islands, drop off your parents who haven't seen each other in seven years to raise your sister who is an absolute stranger to them, then what? Reboard the Shade and live a life of piracy and convince Caspian to renounce his crown to join you? Or pass the Scale onto someone else and go back to Narnia with him where he announces he will be spending the rest of his life with an innkeeper? "National Liaison" his words rang in your head. "Even so, I'm not of noble birth." You had told him once before.
No. That was utter nonsense. Realistically you sail to Terebinthia. Maybe rescue your mother, sail back to the Lone Islands where she and your father would have to rebuild their marriage while you pass on the Scale so you could continue to raise Sis. Caspian sails back to Narnia, marries a beautiful noblewoman, they make ridiculously attractive heirs, and you live out the rest of your unassuming life, alone, recalling the memories of the nights you spent in the arms of the King of Narnia once upon a time.
"But is that what you want?" Caspain's words once again echoed through your memories. It doesn't matter what you want. People like you are lucky to get what they need, you are lucky to have even gotten off that island in the first place. You can't keep pretending. The sooner you end it, the sooner you will begin to get past the hurt...you have to tell him tomorrow.

* * *

"My Love? Are you alright?" He stared at you while you picked at your breakfast. "You've barely eaten anything. You love raspberry jam..."
You were shaking. Your stomach was in knots. "If you truly love him. You'll let him go." You said to yourself.
"Caspian..." His name had barely escaped your lips when the tears pressed against your eyes.
He dropped his fork and moved his chair closer to you, cupping your face in his hand. "What is it, My Starlight?"
You took a breath to compose yourself. "I cannot tell you how happy you have made me, these past few weeks especially."
"And you, me." He searched your face earnestly.
"But we've allowed ourselves to fall into a fantasy. We have been ignoring the reality of our situation for too long."
"What...what do you mean?" His hand dropped to your lap and held your hands.
The tears began to fall. "This...we... are not sustainable... you're the King of Narnia. You will have to eventually go back there, marry a noblewoman and continue to be the most amazing ruler in Narnian history. While I'm destined...to be.." Your breath shuddered. "A nobody. A speck on the tapestry of history..." You sniffed. "If I am very fortunate I will get both my parents back, and the four of us can be a family again... but... I can't follow you to Narnia and be a silent lover... I can't watch you have a family that doesn't include me..." You cried harder.
Tears formed in his eyes as well. "I knew something had been bothering you, I just wasn't sure what I had done wrong..."
"Nothing!" You squeezed his hands and forced yourself to look up at him. "You have been absolutely wonderful to me. This has nothing to do with you."
"But it does." His voice shook. "If it wasn't for my position, would you be saying any of this?"
"Well...no..." You responded honestly, "but it wasn't your doing. It's just a circumstance of fate..."
Tears gently ran down his cheek, "I understand." He spoke softly, looking down.
"Is that...it?" You asked
"What more would you have me say?" He shook his head, his eyes red.
"You're not angry?"
"Would you like me to be angry?"
"No..." You replied, dishonestly. If he were angry it would make this easier. His understanding was so completely in character for him that it broke your heart even more.
He looked into your eyes, with a heart shattering expression, and placed his hand back on your wet cheek. "I will always love you, My Starlight." He pulled your head towards him, planted a soft kiss on your forehead, stood, and walked out of the room.
You broke down.