Inheritance: Threads of Fate

Chapter Twenty Eight - If You Truly Love Him

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You didn't leave your room all day. Raxe and your father took turns checking on you, bringing you meals, but you had no appetite and no interest in speaking to anyone. It was past sundown when Raxe finally knocked on your door and demanded you open it.
"I'm going to start singing shanties REALLY LOUDLY if you don't let me in." He threatened.
"Leave me alone." You replied from the bed, where you had been laying, weeping all day.
"Iiiits tiiiime to go nowwwww.... HAUL AAWAYYY YOUR ANCHOOORRR..."
"Raxe, cut it out." You said angrily.
"HAUL AWAAAAAAYYY YOUR ANCHOOORRR....IT'S OUR SAAAIIIIILING TIIIIIMEEE...."
"FUCK." You screamed and flung yourself at the door, and threw it open. "You're a fucking asshole, you know that?" You glared at him with daggers in your eyes.
"Yes I know." He smiled, "Hate me all you want. I'm coming in." He pushed you out of the way and closed the door behind you.
You ignored him and returned to the bed, laying back down on top of the covers, with your back to him.
"Bun, what the hell happened? You haven't left your room, Caspian has been up in the crows nest all day..."
"He's the King, he can do whatever he want." You sniffed.
"Yea...and you're the Captain..your dad and I are really worried about you." He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed your back. "Please talk to me."
"I ended things with him, Fox..." Here come the tears again...
"Why?" He didn't sound surprised, but there was an air of disappointment in his voice.
"Because there's no future for us..." You choked out between sobs "I couldn't keep pretending..."
"Oh Bun..." He continued to rub your back as you sobbed into the pillow. "Come here..."
You allowed him to roll you over and pull you up into a hug. You cried harder into his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry..."
He let you cry this spurt of tears out, and continued to hold you tightly. Once you were breathing somewhat normally again, he asked. "What did he say?"
You sniffed and wiped your eyes. "That he understood... which made it worse."
"Yea... that bastard... how dare he."
You choked a laugh through a sob. "At least if he was angry I could be angry too."
"I know... anger is your defense mechanism..."
"Shit... I soaked your shirt...sorry" You looked down at his shoulder at the huge wet patch you left with tears and slobber.
"Whatever. We're at sea, I'm constantly soaked." He smiled at you.
"You... said he was up in the nest all day?"
"Yea... he stormed out of the room this morning, he was clearly really upset, but before anyone could say anything he went up and gave orders not to be disturbed..."
"Has...anyone checked on him?"
"Yea, your dad and I have been taking turns with both of you. He's up there with him now... we decided if he was armed your dad would stand a better chance of fighting him off." He chuckled.
"Ok...good... he must be cold up there..."
"Bun..." Raxe sighed at you, "you obviously love him... is this what you really want?"
"No. But we don't get to have what we want in the real world. You know that."
"Maybe if..."
"No. There is no realistic scenario where we can be together Raxe. Prolonging whatever this was... as wonderful as it was... would only make it harder in the end."
"If you say so... All I'm seeing is two people, who I care about very much, heartbroken about not being together..."
"And I'm seeing the bigger picture. He'll thank me...someday..."
Raxe sighed. "Well in any case, you have to eat something." He looked over at the untouched plates of food on the table.
"I'm not hungry." You shook your head.
"I know, but will you try for me? Maybe just some tea and toast? If you eat I'll leave you alone."
You sighed. "Alright..."
"Good. I'll be right back." He stood and left you alone, again. Which is what you wanted a few minutes ago but now it hurt more since you had his company. You looked over at the table where all the dirty plates were crowded. You remembered the first morning you spent on this ship, Caspian brought you breakfast and you spent half the morning talking about nothing in particular... that was before you admitted your feelings for him, before he kissed you...you should have never allowed yourself to succumb. You began crying again.
Raxe came back with a crew member in tow, having them clear off the table for you. Then he placed the tray of tea and toast down.
"Come on, sit." He gently commanded you.
You dragged yourself off the bed and slumped into the chair.
"Thank you." He said to you, and sat next to you. "Here." He poured you some tea.
You grudgingly sipped it. It tasted like nothing. You couldn't taste or smell anything with your nose as stuffed up as it was from crying all day.
"Will you nibble on toast for me?" He asked, sliding you a small plate.
You did as he asked, and took a literal nibble and put it down.
He chuckled. "I should have been more specific with my bite size. But thanks. Have you been in your nightshirt all day?"
You didn't even realize it, but "yes" you answered.
"Alright... I guess I'll allow that one...for today."
You took another sip and another bite.
"I know it doesn't feel like it now, but I promise it will get easier."
"You're right. It doesn't."
"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"
You hadn't considered that you would be sleeping in the bed alone otherwise, and began to tear up again.
"Shit...Bun I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."
"Yes." You sniffed. "If you don't mind..."
"Of course not. Let me go drag that settee in here."  He left the table for the study.
The table, the bed... this ship...everything on this ship was going to remind you of him. Hell how were you even going to leave this room again while he was still on board? You couldn't bear the thought of seeing him...seeing how you broke his heart.
"Fuck this thing is heavy..." Raxe was awkwardly and loudly dragging the settee across the threshold inch by inch, finally managing to get it opposite the bed. "Phew."
"Fox..." you spoke softly.
"Yea Bun?"
"Can you make sure he's not spending the night up there?"
He smiled at you and shook his head. "Yea. Sure. You going to be ok for a bit?"
You nodded and he went out. A big part of you wanted to follow him, run up that ladder and beg Caspian for forgiveness and to take you back... but for what? For you to have to go through this again in a few weeks when he has to sail back to Narnia? "You will never be a noble. You will never be able to be together. This should have never happened in the first place."
You forced yourself to finish your toast and tea, and then went back to bed. It wasn't until you were laying there that you realized how cold it had gotten, but you didn't have the energy to start a fire. The door cracked open.
"It's me." Raxe stepped in.
"How... how is he?"
"Distraught." He said plainly. "It took both of us to convince him to come down, but he followed your dad down to the crew's quarters. Actually... it wasn't until I told him you were worried about him that he agreed to it."
"But I didn't say..."
"No, but you were. Sheesh...it's cold in here Bun... do you want me to get a fire going?"
You nodded meekly. "Thanks."
With the fire going, and Raxe sleeping next to you, you felt less alone. Plus you were so worn out from crying all day, even if you weren't more comfortable you would have passed out from exhaustion alone. You hoped that Caspian felt some comfort from being with your dad... It almost hurt more to know he was hurting the same way you were.