AFFILIATION AND BLISS [PART 1] [ASA MITAKA] [WLW]

next to the infant crying in your heart

You choose to ignore it.

You take the rest of your clothes off and place them down, stepping in the shower and closing the curtain. The showerhead turns on. The water begins to pour out against the top of your head. You stare blankly at the wall, letting the water roll down your face.

The sound of blood rushing throughout your ears is becoming more prominent, as is the sound of your heartbeat. The water flowing down sounds like thousands of small drums being banged on above you, hitting you in the process. It's beginning to sting.

Oh.. the water's too hot.

You try to reach towards the knob to change the temperature, but your body won't move. It's as if there's an invisible barrier surrounding you, preventing your muscles from moving even an inch.

It's beginning to burn.

Why won't you move?

It hurts.

Just move. It's such a simple act, turning a knob.

Move.

Your face is beginning to feel numb.

Move.

The sensation of the water pouring onto your head is beginning to disappear.

Move.

Your eyes are open, the water is getting in your eyes. Despite that, you won't blink.

Move.

Why are you alive?

Move.

Don't subject yourself to pain.

Move.

It's only water.

Move.

Maybe you can run away.

Move.

It's all your fault.

Move.

You jerk your arm towards the knob, accidentally shutting the water off and breaking the knob in the process. You blink a few times, holding the broken knob in your hand. Turning it, you feel relieved it still works.

COLD! COLD! WAAAY TOO COLD!

You set it to a decent temperature. That's better. Your eyes feel a bit dry, so you rub them. Much better.

You start washing your body, your hair, all that. Not sure what "all that" would entail because you only have your body and hair to wash.

Oh.

You take your heart out and hold it away from the water, brushing your thumb against it.

"Hey, Heart?"

It rolls around in your hands.

"Am I gonna die?"

It stops rolling.

...

"Heart?"

It begins rolling again.

"You can talk to me, can't you? I heard your voice in my head that day."

It stops rolling once more.

"C'mon, say something. I know you wannaaa." You have a teasing tone in your voice, gently squishing your heart.

...

It rolls.

You close your hands, trapping it and preventing it from rolling. "Dude, don't ignore me. C'mon."