🔸𝐍𝐎 ℓσɳɠεɾ 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃🔸

𝑭𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒚

The sky was dark grey when Xiao Zhan opened his eyes. He checked the small clock on his bedside table; it wasn't yet six. He was alone, as he had been for weeks, and wiped his watery eyes against his pillowcase. Thunder rumbled from a distance. It was a small comfort, being able to fall back asleep to the sound of a thunderstorm, but Zhan turned over, unable to sleep.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up, tucking strands of black hair behind his ears. Droplets of rain appeared on the window, zig-zagging across the glass in random patterns. He got to his feet and stepped around his lonely bed, and wondered how he'd occupy himself until A-yaun was awake.

'Another day alone. Another day without you!' Zhan thought.

The truth is that Zhan had abandoned many things because of his stupidity.

One the most important thing being – Wang Yibo.

He could not accept the reality that he fucked up the only thing that had given him happiness and warmth after all that had happened in his life. And once again, it was something that he would never allow himself to forgive.

He let out a dry laugh. There was no doubt that he was cursed: the people he loved never stay for long.

Wasn't that how he ended up here in the first place?

He sighed, exhausted. He did not want to think anymore.

 Xiao Zhan sat on the edge of his bed, looking outside at the pouring rain. Thunder rumbled outside every minute, sending shivers down Zhan's spine.

He tried not to think of Yibo, really tried but every time his brain stopped for a moment somehow Yibo returned. At this point, Zhan is used to the haunting feeling of everything that happened between them but still, he could not accept it! He used to stay awake at night just thinking about how they could've done things differently, but it was really no use now, they hadn't done things differently, everything happened the way it did and now everything is the way it is, no changing it now.

But he wanted to change it! At least, do things better this time.

Xiao Zhan made his way out of the room and into the kitchen ready to prepare breakfast. He had planned lunch with his siblings today to talk his heart out so he had a lot of work to complete before the noon arrived.

Time passed eventually and soon Zhan found himself sitting around the table with his siblings and his baby. He felt quite emotional as this was the first time in three years he've had an opportunity to have lunch with his siblings, outdoors.

"A-Zhan,.. A-Zhan, are you alright? Why are you crying?" Xiao Zhan heard Jiang Yanli say.

He was... crying? When did that happen? Wiping his tears, Zhan set down his fork, and looked around the table.

His family was around him. Well, three of them. He should be happy, right? But still, he couldn't.

Everything hurt, it burned, it ached, it stung, and he wanted so badly for it all to stop.

For everything to just, stop .

"A-Zhan, what's wrong?" Jiang Yanli asked again.

"No...nothing, I was just..." Zhan could not continue as he choked on his words.

"Zhan, have some water." Jiang Cheng handed him over a glass of water. "You have been silent all these while. What's going on your mind. Speak it out."

Zhan heard Jiang Cheng say.

"Are you alright, A-Zhan?" Jiang Yanli asked and Zhan was vaguely aware he attempted to respond, but his mind was suddenly drawing a blank.

In and out, just like that. Keep copying my breathing. In, one two three, out, one two three. Good job, keep at it.

Blinking, Zhan carefully untangled his fingers from his hair, vaguely wondering when he had even brought his hands to his head in the first place.

"Can you respond now?" Jiang Cheng asked, voice calm and tender with A-yaun on his lap, and Zhan was grateful that his siblings were calm because he definitely was not. Nodding, Zhan watched as Jiang Cheng let out a breath.

"What's wrong?" Jiang Cheng questioned again.

"I... I made a mistake..." Zhan muttered, clenching his fists. "A big mistake...."

"A-Zhan, everyone makes mistakes." Jiang Yanli patted his shoulder. "But not everyone gets a chance to redeem it. If you are speaking of Wang Yibo, then, it's not very late. You can always go back to him."

"How.... How did you know..?" Zhan asked.

"We know. Your face says it all." Jiang Cheng spoke. "But we are confused what mistake you are speaking of."

Zhan sighed. He did not know how he was going to phrase it but he had to. He could almost die if he kept everything in any longer.

And so, with a tear falling down his cheek, Zhan began. He was glad that Jiang Yanli was beside him as she always kept on patting his arm, as if to assure him.

And when finally he was done, Jiang Cheng raged. "So, you are saying... it was Jin Guanyao who had done all this?"

Zhan nodded. "At first, I thought, he was protecting me and my baby. He was our best friend. He hid me in a house and provided me with all the needs. He was there for me all the time. But it was only until Huisuang told me what really had happened with Yibo back then, did I realize that Jin Guanyao was not as good as he seemed to be."

"Obviously not." Jiang Yanli fumed. "How could anyone have the heart to separate their best friends?"

"I will not spare him!" Jiang Cheng's eyes were blood red. "But why would he do all that?"

"I don't know. I too am confused." Zhan felt a lot light hearted after sharing his misery with his siblings.

"Both you and Yibo have been hurt all these three years. A-Zhan, now that you know the truth, you should no longer chase away him. It's time for you to get back together with him." Jiang Yanli advised.

"I cannot do that, jie..." Zhan cried. "I cannot get back together with him even if I wanted to!"

"What do you mean?" Jiang Cheng questioned.

"I ran from his hiding place. May be, he is searching for me and my baby. We are in danger. If he knows that Yibo and I are back together again, I don't know what he will do to us and our baby. We have already suffered for three years. I cannot take this anymore." Tears streamed down his cheeks once again.

"You don't have to worry. We are with you." Jiang Yanli reassured him.

"I will talk to Huisuang." Jiang Cheng glared. "I will not let that bastard run wild anymore. I will make sure that he is behind the bars sooner. You are safe with us."

"But for how long? What if he never gets caught? Should we always be in hiding?"

"You must speak to Yibo of this. He will not let you down this time." Jiang Yanli said with a smile despite having a inner turmoil.

Zhan nodded.

Zhan hurt, so much, and so did Yibo, so did everyone else, and as Yibo showed him familial love that he had been so afraid to lose or forget during the last few weeks, Zhan found determination, to ensure that they could all one day return home, to build a new life together with their baby and move on from their sorry past.

"Hope is all we can hold onto, to drive us, to motivate us, and to guide us."

Zhan very badly believed that it could be very true in his situation.