Log 1/Day 3 at the nibbler colony/mid-day
There's something off about writing logs outside of Kismet's. I'm not certain whether I will do it frequently, but I have an urge to clear my thoughts. It honestly makes me miss Kismet even more. I hope she's doing well and that our message reaches her. As soon as Thanatos is able to fly again, we must go visit her.
Either way, on the one hand, I have been doing better than I have in ages since coming here. On the other hand, it is not like before either. Because . . . it will never be like before. I think this has not settled in yet. I must find a way to convince myself that it is a good thing because, honestly, it is more than a little terrifying.
Thanatos says that anywhere can be home, and I want to believe him. Could a life consisting of mercenary missions and adventures, the way we have led before, be home? Sometimes I think that it could, but then I wonder if that is enough. Can an outcast have aspirations? Ambitions? Do I even need any? It is frustrating to know so little about where to go next, and frightening too. Since when is the future frightening?
But I mustn't let fear rule me. This is one thing I know about the Henry of New—he must never let fear rule him anymore.
Will Longclaw and Tonguetwist come after us, I wonder? I have no more craving to chase after them for our own sake, but sometimes I wonder if it is wise to leave them to their devices. Longclaw was very adamant about making himself the next gnawer king, and if anything, should we not see to it that he does not achieve this? That he does not become another tyrant like Gorger? Who else would, if not us?
On one hand, it is not really our responsibility to meddle with the internal affairs of the gnawers, but on the other hand . . . who would think to stop us? If we take him out before he can cause more harm, would we be heroes? Is this an ambition worth chasing? Note to self: bring this up to Thanatos at one point.
If this is what we may do in the near future, I am not frightened of it. Perhaps I can even be excited. About the new sword Teslas and I are making as well (I cannot wait for that, honestly.)
I have just read everything I have written, and what even is this? When the hell did I start sounding like a moody existentialist? Perhaps it is that I have not seen enough action recently.
Be that as it may (note to self: do your very best to ensure that the Henry of New shall NOT be a moody existentialist!!), I have also gone over a lot of my old notes when making sketches for the new sword. And, well, there is little else to do when your nibbler friends insist on being overly concerned about you and your (nearly healed!!) stab wound.
In the process, I have rediscovered a design that I made at Kismet's at one point. The accompanying logs from that time made me physically recoil, though. I cannot fathom how I have ever
Considering what this design is, I still cannot help but be anxious about whether Thanatos will yell at me if I ever do bring it up and say that it is offensive, but I am not entirely devoid of hope that he may hear me out if I ask sincerely. Not anymore.
Perhaps I should ask Teslas about whether it is even feasible and will work the way I envision it first. Then we may talk to Thanatos together. That being said, I would be lying if I claimed that I was not a little excited.
***
"What in the world has ever gotten you to start a log, actually? I never took you for a diary kind of guy."
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A HENRY STORY 2: Trials Of The Fallen Prince
FanfictionHenry has changed and risen from rock bottom, but can he do it again? Join him as he challenges his comfort zone in his ongoing quest for more, tackling trials and facing his deepest fear to reignite the light within. *** Over the last six months, H...
