Her powerful and provocative artistry fails to capture the hearts of those who don't quite understand her message. Often overlooked in the art world, Beyoncé has struggled for years to gain the respect of her peers. That all changes when she meets A...
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"Did you love him?"
Love. What a strange feeling. It's warm, like basking in the morning sun, but it makes you want to cry. It's like drinking honey—so sweet that you can taste it on your tongue, but there is a bitter aftertaste. Love is painful. Love is lonely. I felt all of that. I didn't know if what I felt was right or necessary, but it was all I knew.
"I did." That was my honest answer.
I could see her eyes flick back and forth between me and her notepad as she listened to me elaborate. She no longer had a calculating look in her eyes but one of sympathy and, understandably, pity. She removed her glasses and set them down on the table.
I paused mid-sentence and swallowed hard, my throat dry and constricted, and shifted in my seat. The couch creaked under me, but it offered no relief from the tension in the room. My therapist sighed and placed her notepad on the side table, leaning forward slightly. Her voice was gentle and soft, almost a whisper.
"Beyoncé, sweetheart...everything you've described to me is textbook abuse."
"But he never put his hands on me," I defended. "He knew better than that. He loved me."
"Just because he never laid a hand on you doesn't make it any less abusive. It's the small things, Beyoncé. Things you don't recognize at first. Leaving you alone for hours on end without contacting you or returning your calls, gaslighting you into thinking you were paranoid when you confronted him, using tit-for-tat to justify his actions. They may not seem like anything, but they build up over time and destroy your self-worth."
My stomach dropped.
"These are not qualities that show he cared. Sure, he may have bought you Gucci or flown you to St. Lucia for the weekend, but what about your actual needs? Did he actively listen to you when you spoke? Make time for you, even if he was busy? Acknowledge your concerns and acknowledge how you feel?"
She paused and waited for me to say something. But my words were stuck, and my tongue was frozen in my mouth.
"Have you heard of love bombing, Beyoncé? It's when someone shows an excessive amount of attention and affection in the beginning stages of a relationship. They are trying to win you over, get you to like them, and fall in love. But after a while, this affection fades, and they don't treat you the same. Love bombing makes a person feel special, loved, wanted. But it is often done with the intention of manipulation."
"What are you tryna say?"
"I just want you to think about what makes a good, healthy relationship. And whether or not what you had qualifies as such."
I would often leave her office feeling lost and confused. Every session always left me with a whirlwind of emotions, and this one was no different. She had a way of challenging me, getting me to think deeper and more critically, to question myself. But I didn't know if I was ready for the answers.
