It is currently 10:37pm. I just finished seeing The Boy and the Heron by myself. My bank said they unlocked my card--as they had previously locked it due to suspected fraud--but my card is still locked. Alvin is still MIA and non-existent. No point in mentioning his name in my innermost thoughts really at this point. And tomorrow is Sunday. I'll have church then just prepare for my Christmas party with the girls. And maybe I'll water my plants. And...yeah I'm anxious about my debit card being locked but there's nothing I can do till Monday since it's the weekend and the fraud phoneline is closed obvi. And I want Alvin to text me and talk to me so I don't look stupid shouting my feelings into the void of his unread text messages. And...I'm okay.
I talked to Kella about Emmelie today. I reread my journal entries from that time. And yes I may miss her, but I do not miss the pass two years of emotional stress that that relationship caused. It was a lot. And I truly believe we are better off right now apart. Me two years ago would never have said that, so I supposed I've really grown if I can say it as confidently as I can now.
God it's so strange. How grand is this chasm within me. Scoping it out only produces minor things though. Alvin. Emmelie. Anger. Contentment. Peace. Sadness. Un monton de cosas. And I'm here to journal it all as I'm not exactly tired yet and I haven't journaled my thoughts since... I don't know...summer? fall? I perhaps should return to it ya know.
Ahora estoy apprendiendo japonese. es muy duro pero muy divertido. me siento como mi mismo cuando appriendo otra idioma y cultura.
vida puede ser muy hermosa si la quiera asi.
~~~
It is December 13, 2023. 9:37pm. My card is unlocked. I didn't work today. Relaxed. Spent time with family. Waiting.
STAI LEGGENDO
Unwritten Words
SaggisticaSometimes there's too many things to say. Sometimes there's not enough time. Sometimes using a pen can be easier than using my voice. So here are some words. For you. For those I knew. For those that carry me forward. And most importantly, for me.
