I'll Be Back

Way Too Much

Jennie sits in the rocking chair in the cozy office. She briskly rocks the chair as she wrings her hands, waiting for her psychologist to enter. She's been seeing the older man for a little bit now. She kind of hates to admit that her mother, Gustus, and her father had been right about getting help. She's far from out of the darkness of the tunnel but she does see the light at the end of it now. Dr. Kelley and her psychiatrist were able to diagnose her with Postpartum Depression and mild form of just Depression. She was embarrassed at first, especially when they finally figured out what drugs she needed to be on. She didn't want to be that person who had to rely on antidepressants. She had openly talked with Dr. Kelley about her embarrassment and he explained it to her like this. "For someone who has high cholesterol, doctors prescribe a drug to lower it. People who have diabetes take insulin. Why should you be any different when it's just a different part of your body that is sick?" Jennie then realized that she shouldn't be embarrassed just because her mind is sick.

Finally, Dr. Kelley enters with a smile and takes a seat from across Jennie in his oversized recliner. One thing she likes about him is that he never writes anything down while they talk. He just has a simple conversation with her and doesn't make it seem like a therapy session. It makes it easier for her to open up. He takes off his glasses and wipes them on his shirt before returning them back to his face. He then leans back and smiles once more at Jennie.

"How are you today, Jennie?" He asks. Jennie smiles.

"I'm okay. I've been a little nervous though." He frowns a little and leans forward in his chair.

"Why have you been feeling nervous?"

"Well, Aden is going away to a summer camp for a month. He's never been away from home and it's just making me nervous. Plus, he's just starting to get use to this new normal and I don't want something to set him off and not be there for him." Jennie explains. His face softens and he nods.

"Yeah I can understand that. When I was raising my daughter she went away for an entire summer. I was terrified. So terrified that I got a job to work in the kitchen at the summer camp without her knowing so I could keep an eye on her." He smiles. Jennie laughs at the image. A doctor taking a job at a kids summer camp to cook food.

"Is that a suggestion?" Jennie jokes. He laughs and shakes his head.

"No. I'm saying it's a normal thing to feel nervous, especially with the situation. But all you need to do is just keep letting him know that you'll be here for him even when he's away, that's an important thing. You need to let him know that you're only a phone call away, cause i'm sure he's feeling nervous too." Dr. Kelley finishes with a smile. Jennie nods.

"Now how are things with your daughter? Better or worse?" He asks. Jennie sighs.

"Better, definitely. I do still have days though. Days where just seeing her makes me cry or shut down. But it's becoming less and less." Jennie says confidently. He nods.

"And when you're in those states of emotions, how have you been dealing with it?" He leans back once more in his recliner. Jennie bobs her leg, still feeling a little embarrassed at the diagnosis of Postpartum Depression.

"I cry or I tell my dad that i'm having a bad day and he takes her to the park or away from the house. When that happens I usually just curl up in my bed and sleep." Jennie replies honestly.

"Are you still doing that? I mean, trying to get as much sleep in the day as you can so you can see your wife?" He asks. Jennie clenches her jaw and reluctantly nods. It's something they've already talked about. It's not a healthy coping mechanism. But sometimes she just can't help it, especially when it has been a very vivid dream. He studies her. "Jennie, I know we've talked about how it's unhealthy many times. Have you been doing what I told you to do?" He asks. Dr. Kelley had told her she needed to have a balance of keeping Lisa in her everyday life but also not always carrying her death with her. Jennie has been going from one extreme to the other. For one week, she doesn't want anyone mentioning her or seeing anything of Lisa's. The other week she'll just immerse herself in all things Lisa and won't leave the house or sometimes even her room. She's been trying to find the balance but she has been slipping up a little more lately. Jennie nods and tries to explain what she thinks is going on.