Erythrophobia

Chapter 5: Maybe Things Can Get Better

Note: the drawing in this chapter basically shows that my Kaeya in this fic is trans so if you missed that tag then whoops

—

Three weeks.

Three weeks had passed since Diluc visited Kaeya that day.

Kaeya should have been happy with the outcome, but he hasn't been able to avoid the dread, anxiety, elation, or whatever it is that has been lingering in his gut since then.

When Diluc told him that he wanted to reconcile, Kaeya had been partially expecting something similar because of his recent behavior, but that didn't make it any easier to process once faced with it.

Kaeya immediately felt conflicted, remembering his previous breakdown from the mere thought of an undeserved reconciliation and he ended up responding awkwardly. He still feels conflicted even now.

Though Kaeya claimed he also wants to fix things, he feels the immense urge to change his mind and tell Diluc he doesn't—that it's pointless to bother trying when it's been so long and they aren't the same people they used to be.

Yet, he also feels like he had the one thing he's been waiting for years to happen actually happen, and he never wants to let Diluc out of his sight ever again.

Kaeya had resumed going to Angel's Share, sitting in his usual spot at the bar and fitting perfectly back into his usual personality... Almost.

Sometimes he stutters or forgets what he was saying. Other times he dissociates and comes to when Diluc snaps a finger in his face.

He brushes it off and says he's "tired," but the expression on Diluc's face tells him he doesn't believe him.

When he and Diluc are not alone at the bar, Kaeya supplies the conversations with whoever is there while Diluc occasionally butts in, but mostly stays out of it, keeping his eyes downwards and oddly focused on whatever drinks he's making.

Though, Kaeya is silently thankful for that.

He needs to get over whatever irrational fear he has before it gets in the way of things. How can he reconcile with someone he can't even look in the eyes properly?

Kaeya's unease grows with each passing day as Diluc also does not seek him out. Does that make him a hypocrite?

Maybe.

Who even knows if this will last very long. Neither of them are exactly skilled with honesty.

Diluc used to be, once upon a time.

Kaeya never had the chance.

—

It's 5:00 in the morning and Kaeya hasn't gotten a wink of sleep.

Every possible scenario that his brain has conjured up has been replaying in his head for the past few hours ever since he woke up in the middle of the night. He really doesn't know what to do with himself.

Kaeya shifts under the comforters restlessly and settles on a fetal position, bunching up some of a blanket between his arms and chest and tucking his face into it.

At this point, he's so tired that the scenarios are getting jumbled together and Diluc is teleporting around the room in his head.

He just needs to get a little bit more rest...

.

.

.

Kaeya's rest is short lived as a loud crash jolts him awake. He sits up, toppling over his blanket pile and squinting his eyes due to the unwanted light coming from his window.