Let my fires protect you || Kaz Brekker X Reader

17. Darkness calls

Y/n Pov -

Everything hurt. I woke up with pain flaring throughout my body, my muscles ached and I felt paralysed, it was terrifying to me. To feel trapped. 

A rush of memories poured through me all at once, Oomen's knife, Kaz. Kaz had come back and saved me. I paid more attention to my surroundings; there was a wooden ceiling with wood that looked rotted, and Inej and Nina. "Inej."

"You're awake?" Her eyes started to swell and she rushed to tap Nina up and she stirred, "Nina! Saints, Nina, she's up!" I tried to sit up, tried to move my arms and wrap them around my two friends but pain shot through me and I was brought back down, "Stay down." Nina ordered, her voice was soft, unlike mine. My throat was dry as sand and my pitch showed it. "Is everyone okay?" 

"Don't worry about us. You're the one who got stabbed."

"I don't care, tell me." I croaked, "I'm fine, Wylan and Inej needed a little bit of healing which I did. Matthias and Jesper are okay, a bit shaken up, Jesper especially. He's worried about you, most of us are." 

"And Kaz? I blacked out before we were back, is Kaz okay?" 

"I don't think Kaz is ever 'okay', but he... he needs to know you're awake." I wanted to see Kaz, I really did.  But I wasn't ready and knowing he was breathing was all I wanted to know. I thought he was my friend and I wanted to return to him, more than anything while I was asleep, almost on death's door apparently, and he saw me as just an investment. It enraged me that after all we've been through, all I've done for him, I was seen this way, as a weapon. It hurt even more when I think about how he painted me this way to the public too, I was told it was to incite fear and keep people away from me. I let out a small laugh which hurt like hell, look where I am now, on a fucking cot half-dead. Great job, Kaz.

I grabbed onto Nina's arm, barely able to catch onto the cloth of her sleeve, "Wait, just leave it for tonight. Please." It immediately dawned on me that it  could be anytime in the goddamn day, "Wait, is it night?" Inej and Nina let out small laughs, "Yes, it's just gone midnight actually." 

"Do we know who came after us?"

"Black tips and Razorgulls sent by Pekka Rollins, to keep us from getting out of fifth harbour." I felt a small bit of strength return, it was extinguished immediately. Staying awake was hard as it is.

"How did he know where we were leaving from?" Big Bolliger was dead, there was no other informant. It was a closely guarded secret. If someone had released that information... it hurt me even more to know that one of my friends may be a traitor. "We aren't sure yet." 

"I saw Oomen-"

"Oomen's dead, Kaz killed him." Nina interrupted, "He did?"

"Kaz killed a lot of people." My heart broke slightly, so much death and for what? Money. It seemed unneccessary. "He seemed afraid for you." I laughed, "Kaz isn't afraid of anything." Except touch, but I wouldn't allow that to be revealed. "You should have seen his face when he brought you in here." Inej spoke, she seemed bewildered at the thought. 

"I'm a very valuable investment, except without the valuable." Inej clenched her jaw and Nina's dropped, "Tell me he didn't say that."

"Of course he did."

"Idiot." she went to the table beside me and got something I couldn't really see, "Eat." I tried but I couldn't, it hurt, it hurt a lot. "Please try." I shook my head and she stopped prying. "I just want to rest for now." 

"Of course." She went to turn down the lantern and motioned for Inej to leave but I stopped them, "Rest, not sleep. And, please stay. I don't want to be alone." I felt pathetic, Kaz would call me pathetic. I just felt fragile, but I felt safer with them by my side. "Okay, since you want to talk, you hate being called a Phoenix due to your legend, and still you let Kaz craft you into that legend, why?" Inej looked wary but I told her it was okay, "I didn't let him, I tried to stop him at every corner but he said it was for my safety and I think Phoenix is unoriginal and I hate it. If I was created by a Phoenix god, I think naming me something with it's name in is just uncreative."