tw: death
suffocation from my explanation
that no one wants to believe
yet was it his fault if i couldve just been cautious?
maybe i've been falsely blaming him all along
since i could have just known
why are you this way, why did you change?
or have you never changed at all?
just put on another skin to lure me into your lovely side
while i was true and did everything not to hide
since i loved you and i wanted you to know and
i loved you and i did not want to pretend and i loved you so i trusted you and i loved you so i wanted to go further and-
there was no further, ever
since i was too much and not lovely enough
even if i never changed in that time
but the only change we had is that we took it a step further and that you stopped accepting what you had no problem with before
suddenly
no warning
why did you stop?
could i really have been too much when i gave you all the time to realise
and you had all the time to realise my warnings and my faults?
could i really have been too much when you promised on my fears and our conditions?
then why do i feel like i was too much when i see their eyes and i see their stares and their malicious shadows above me because you ridicule me for the things you eased me from?
and i know it is too much to be forced to think of you everyday, to be plagued by your voice, your eyes and the way that you live
i know it's too much to cry about what you did everyday when i wanted to go further too
but my knowledge won't budge the terror and shame i feel everyday and the pool of questions i keep drowning in
i am drowning.
i had been drowning all along when you promised to rescue and look for help yet no help came
instead you pushed me further into the sea and replaced the air in my lungs with burning salt water
and only my little soul that is left can softly mourn that was freed from the now lifeless body
do i really need to die for you to realise what you have done to me?
JE LEEST
poems.
Poëziei love writing poems, i hope you like reading them too. constructive criticism is greatly appreciated <3 they might contain heavier topic like (implied) s/h, death, etc, so be cautious reading this book if things like that trigger you, though i will...
