The Twenty Year Triangle

Chapter Forty-Three

When I finally made my overworked mind shut up, sleep came with weird and confusing dreams.

As weird and confusing as that damn kiss was last night...

That's Oliver, though. Weird and confusing. I don't know him anymore, do I?

Honestly, I stopped knowing him when I woke up to that text message on that fateful New Year's Day. The Olly I knew never would have done that. At some point the night before that Olly died. That's truly how it felt to me, and I mourned him as if he did.

I just wish I knew why. I'm missing something. I know we fought badly that day and it wasn't just that fight. We had been having the same fight for some time, and I knew going to Hunter's would make it so much worse.

Oliver's biggest thing when we sat and talked boundaries was not going to Hunter about our problems. The flirting, the darlings, the little hugs, hanging in Hunter's room alone, all were things that bugged Oliver, so we stopped all of that. Well, mostly, we slipped sometimes. But we tried hard to be respectful of what he was asking us.

But those things weren't the big thing. The thing that Oliver hated more than anything else was me talking to Hunter about us and our problems. It was something he told me privately was a major thing for him. I had a very hard time with that. 

I had three best friends, I was dating Olly so I couldn't talk to him about him, and Brandi would always side with Olly, so that left Hunter. I needed his advice at times. So as much as I tried to stop confiding in Hunter, I found it impossible and kept doing so anyway.

I know Oliver would be livid when I went to Hunter that night. Especially with so much of that fight being about Hunter. I do get his anger, even if I don't fully understand it.

... but none of that justifies Oliver leaving me like that. It just doesn't. I didn't betray him. I never would've, and he knows that. So, what am I missing from that night? I know I won't be able to find it all these years later. My brain was fuzzy enough then, much less now.

The only one with that answer is Oliver.

"Where'd you go, Pretty Darlin? You look a million miles away right now."

"...I kissed Oliver," I blurt out, "or he kissed me, I guess... I don't know... "

Even now, I can't keep anything from Hunter, but I also can't look at his face, so I stare down at my roll instead. 

"Okay..." he sounds tense but reaches for my hand, gently squeezing it. I look up and find nothing but a calm understanding in his cobalt gaze.

"It's alright. I told you I was here while you figured this out, didn't I?"

"Well, yeah but..."

Why do I feel so guilty about it? There's no reason, literally, and Hunter just confirmed that, and yet... I do.

You don't have to tell me," Hunter continues. "I'd rather not get a play-by-play. Unless... there's a reason I need to know."

There's a nervous flicker in his eyes at that, and I squeeze his hand back to assure him.

"No, I mean.... it was a two-second kiss, that confused me more than anything."

"Two seconds?" A small grin plays at his lips, but it's gone as quickly as it came, replaced with a serious look.

"Look, none of this is going to be easy for any of us. But the last thing I'm going to do is make it any harder for you." Our hands remained clasped as he speaks quietly. "So why don't we say you only tell me what you think I need to know, when I need to know it?"