The Ultimate Sacrifice [Death Note]

Chapter 16 - Is Yours

She was terrified, scared out of her mind, but she had one comfort. One love, and her name was the last word on her lips before everything went black.

...

I'm not sure what was scarier: everything happening, or the fact that I was actually becoming used to it.

I never slept. I lay awake at night, just thinking. And thinking. And thinking a bit more. My head didn't even hurt anymore. It was hollow, like a plastic bag. Like it wasn't real.

I was tired all the time, tired and sick and empty. It was like someone had reached into my heart and ripped my soul out.

Who was Kira? Why were they doing this? Who would ever want to kill so many people? Why were they doing this to me?

I hated Kira. I'd never hated anyone so much before. It was this rage inside me, this volcanic, awful rage. Without Kira, I wouldn't have to be the Anti-Kira. It was their fault.

(The other half of the time, I felt nothing towards them. Tired and hollow.)

I didn't want to kill anyone, but Kira was testing it. They were human, right? Would I be able to kill them? Did they deserve it? What if they were someone I knew?

I hated being strong, but I hated Kira even more. They were a monster.

Mei was right. No matter what, when the time came, I'd kill Kira myself. Then I'd never touch that damn Life Note again.

I tried to sleep.

...

...

Nope, didn't work. I was still awake, my brain churning with 9999 thoughts.

What did it mean to be a hero?

Maybe Kira thought themself a hero. Was L a hero? What about Dad? Myself?

I didn't want to be one. It was too much.

"You must sleep," Guardian told me.

"How could I possibly sleep?!" I demanded.

I groaned, falling onto the ground. My hair was spread out. I sat there for ages and ages, time flying by. Time always moved so slow whenever I couldn't sleep. My chest rose and fell. Guardian laid beside me.

"You have grown up," they told me, almost... affectionate?

"Whatever, Mom," I groaned. I didn't want to hear it.

Guardian stared at me, their eyes hollow. Suddenly, they moved in, pulling me close. It wasn't the same as being hugged by a human. There were so many arms, and their skin was like ice. Yet, at the same time, it was comforting. Not enough to hurt, but secure enough to feel safe. The coldest, yet warmest hug I'd had in a while.

And for the millionth time, I cried and cried and cried. My fists clenched into balls. Guardian was so cold. I didn't want them to let go.

I didn't want to believe Misa was Kira, or the 2nd Kira, or involved in this at all. I couldn't kill her. I didn't want to kill someone I knew, someone I liked.

But I knew I'd have to. That terrified me more than anything.

The ultimate sacrifice...

I opened up the Life Note. I wrote down the names of the people Misa had supposedly killed. All those TV presenters, all those innocent civilians.

I was getting angrier by the second. I couldn't sleep. Blood was pumping, so loud. The tears burned.

...