Shifting Shadows - R. Dex

-6-

A pounding on the door made Jules jump, reaching for the knife she'd taken to keeping under her pillow.

"Jules. Open up."

Ronon. "I'm tired. Come back tomorrow."

She heard him muttering something, then silence before more pounding. "It's too early to turn in. It's barely dinner time. Open the door."

She rolled her eyes and released the knife. Perhaps if she just ignored him, he'd go away and she could-

The pounding was louder this time. "Jules...if you don't open the door, I'll get McKay to open it for me."

She groaned and threw her knife toward the voice at the door in irritation as she rose to her feet. "I'm taking a bath and going to bed. Good night, Ronon."

And she did just that. After some time soaking in warm bubbles, she submerged her head underwater until her lungs burned in an effort to exhaust the constant tension in her chest from fear and anxiety. But it only made it worse, the sensory deprivation mimicking sleep too closely, her nightmares of running and Marin breaking through to her waking hours. Her head burst through the water, gasping and coughing, disoriented, the buzz of Atlantis quiet in the low lighting she'd set before climbing in. Her arms flailed, grasping at the side of the tub and pulling herself out, spilling onto the floor as a sob tore from her throat.

"Jules?!" Ronon's panicked voice hit her ears and she squeezed her eyes shut, even more confused. One part of this must be a dream...but which one? "What happened?"

Suddenly fabric hit her body and he was beside her, and she was very aware that she was naked and defenseless, just like- "Get away from me! Don't touch me!" She did the best she could to cover her body, scrambling back and into the corner, curling into a ball.

Ronon reeled back, fleeing the room as fast as possible, shoulder slamming into the door jamb on the way out. "I'm sorry." Jules could hear his shout through the now-closed bathroom door. "Just breath, Jules."

She sobbed, burying her face in her hands for a moment, rubbing her cheeks to bring herself back to reality. She had no idea how long she sat on that floor, trying to breathe and recall what she'd been doing before the panic attack. She allowed the cold of the floor and the unobtrusive buzz of the city to ground her before pulling herself to her feet and wrapping the towel around herself. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, took one more breath, and exited the bathroom.

"Jules, are you-"

She jumped, stumbling backwards and gripping the door jamb to keep from falling. "Shit! Ronon?What-Why are you still here?"

"I had to be sure you were okay."

A pause, and she gripped the towel tighter to her body. "Are you looking at me or-"

"Of course not!" Ronon paced beside her bedroom door, eyes locked in the floor, having been unwilling to leave for fear that she was hurt or having another panic attack.

"Right. Just...one second." Jules shuffled to her bureau, rummaging through for something to wear. She hoped whatever she grabbed matched and made a mental note to ask Teyla or Elizabeth to help her organize her clothing so she could know the colors...though it'd all get mixed together in the wash. Maybe she should just go with one color. Black would be good.

"You're avoiding the commissary." It wasn't a question. He knew it was true.

"Well, can you blame me?"

"You have to eat."

Jules yanked her shirt on and spun toward his voice. "I do eat. And I'm dressed, by the way." She heard him shuffle closer before he spoke.